5 Minute Friday: Still

I have forgotten how to be still. In the daily hustle and bustle, I have forgetten to be still. I am unable to truly be still at home very often, desiring to go and be somewhere else if only to be able to be still... church, my MIL's, in the car, anywhere that they isn't 50 things that need to be done. Although I cross still and lazy in my head and for me there is a very fine line between the two. I am lazy by nature, but my house is usually such a wreck that there is always something to do, so laziness has been replaced by busyness and busyness makes my head spin.

I recently rediscovered my joy of reading, which brings me to stillness. I enjoy reading but am finding it hard to find books that I enjoy reading and that are honoring to the Lord. I frankly have a hard time getting into theological books. I want to read them, I want to read about the holiness of God or how to Mortify sin, but when I get down to it, I'm bored. I want to read stories, adventures, something that takes me away from the everyday. Maybe that is an idol in itself, taking me away.

My first attempt at 5 minute Friday.

Is that a bad thing, to want to escape the everyday, even just for a little bit. I know my joy and my comfort and my escape should be my Lord. Am I looking for worldy stillness? What does relaxation look like on a Christian? Do I get to relax or should I spend all free time, renewing my min (a good thing, a very good thing, but not always relaxing.)

An Abundance of Blessings

For the last couple of months, I have been reading this book by Ann Voskamp. Other than the Bible, to date, this book has changed my life more than any other and I know I have only scratched the surface of what God is teaching me through it. I originally bought the Kindle edition and read the majority of it on my computer, but decided I had to get my hands on it so that I could write all in it, all over it, taking notes and just drinking it in better. I finally ordered the book and finished the last two chapters and now I am starting over. There is so much in this book that grips me and makes me really think on what God has done and who He is. The first chapter deals with some really raw events in the author's life and though they are very hard to read, I am thankful that she shared them. A book about joy would be empty without the realness of everyday pain. In the first chapter titled, an emptier, fuller life, Ann really gets to the heart of our discontent: ingratitude. She says this:

"From all of our beginnings, we keep reliving the Garden story.

Satan, he wanted more. More power, more glory. Ultimately, in his esssence, Satan is an ingrate. And he sinks his venom into the heart of Eden. Satan's sin becomes the first sin of all humanity: the sin of ingratitude. Adam and Eve are, simply, painfully, ungrateful for what God gave.

Isn't that the catalyst of all my sins?

Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren't satisfied with God and what He gives. We hunger for something more, something other.

Standing before that tree, laden with fruit withheld, we listen to Evil's murmur, "In the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened..." (Genesis 3:5 NASB). But in the beginning, our eyes were already open. Our sight was perfect. Our vision let us see a world spilling with goodness. Our eyes fell on nothing but the glory of God. We saw God as He truly is: good. but we were lured by the deception that there was more to see. And, true, there was more to see: the ugliness we hadn't beheld, the sinfulness we hadn't witnessed, the loss we hadn't known.

We eat. And, in an instant, we are blind. No longer do we see God as one we can trust. No longer do we percieve Him as wholly good. No longer do we observe all of the remaining paradise.

We eat. And, in an instant, we see. Everywhere we look we see a world of lack, a universe of loss, a cosmos of scarcity and injustice.

We are hungry. We eat. We are filled... and emptied.

And still, we look at the fruit and see only the materials means to fill our emptiness. We don't see the material world for what it is meant to be: as the means to communion with God."

There is so much in that little section. And it describes me. Constantly I am grumbling and complaining because things are not going my way, because life is hard and I stumble and fall and fail daily. And in my head I say, "God, you know how hard this is for me..." and what I am saying is, "If you really loves me, You would make it easier." But I know that easy is not what is best for me, but easy is not what makes me change. And it is God's grace alone that allows me to fail and get back up and try again. And it is my failures that bring me to my knees before a holy God and remind me that there is nothing in and of myself that can do anything; IT'S ALL HIM.

Losing Focus

How quickly the desire for gratitude gets lots in the everyday monotony. Lord, help me to focus on you. As a friend said this week, "Look at Him, Focus on Him." And so that is my goal, to refocus, to stay focused, especially as we go into a busy season that gets lost in materialism, I pray that I will not allow those things to steal my joy. My joy that belongs in and to my Saviour. And so I will write the words out each time, to train and to remind myself, "I am thankful for..."

#13. I am thankful for fall leave collages with two small girls.
#14 I am thankful for no throwing up in the middle of the night.
#15 I am thankful that though I am ungrateful and wretched, I can go to my Lord without fear and tell Him how I really feel.
#16 I am thankful for Friday's off. I am thankful that I work for a company that allows me to work part time from home. I am thankful that I get to be the one that sees my children grow up. (Lord, help me to remember this when I am answering the 500th question of the hour.)
#17 I am thankful for a husband who works so hard and never complains.
#18 I am thankful for the abundance, we want for nothing and have more than we ever deserve and yet most of this world goes without.

Gratitude

6. "big hugs" from little arms
7. cool fall weather
8. a husband who works hard and never complains
9. sweet tinkling of piano keys... (not in my house though, on the computer- go here http://www.aholyexperience.com and just listen, but I highly sugest you read too)
10. vendors who acknowledge questions you ask and don't ignore you
11. conversations that you never thought would happen
12. I am a redeemed, justified sinner! This one should really be first! But I was really meditating on it today.

Blessings

5. I am thankful for sunshine, wind and fall!

One Thousand Gifts

It's November and that means that Thanksgiving is just around the corner. But we have so much to be thankful for and I lose sight of that so easily most days. Ann over at A Holy Experience has issued a challenge of sorts - to start keeping a journal of our gifts, blessings, good things... and so I am accepting the challenge and hoping to journal here. Posting will be sporadic as life is sporadic, but that too I can be thankful for, that life is never boring.

1. I am thankful I am alive. Taken for granted on so many days.

2. I am thankful for my husband, his leadership, his love and his ever present patience with me.

3. I am thankful for my children, who though test me on a daily basis, are also the means of great joy, laughter and fun.

4. I am thankful for my health. Though I struggle with recurring allergy issues, my lot is quite simple and how quickly I forget that. It is not cancer (like sweet Halie) or any number of other life-challenging diseases this world serves us. I pray that I will grasp the enormousness of this blessing, for it is never truly appreciated until it is taken away.

I want to write, but I just can't find the time...

I miss blogging. I write blog posts in my head, but can never find the time to write them on "paper."