Monday, November 06, 2006

The Entertaining of the Un-entertainable and Longing

The is the blog tale of two halfs.

Seriously people, I am running out of things to possibly do with a pre-toddler. I say pre-toddler, because I refuse to acknowledge anything other than that. What do you people do with a toddler-like being? There are only so many games of peek-a-boo from behind the couch she will stay interested in. And also, my child cannot physically sit still. Without going into details, last week she had a raging diaper rash and everything I read to make it better said to leave them out of a diaper for as long as possible. Who can let their kid roam around without a diaper? Not me, as she is mobile every minute of every single hour of every single day. The child roams in her sleep. It's not that I am opposed to having to clean up an accident (ok, yes I am, but I would have done it if it had helped), but she would have peed all over the house. And if I wanted that kind of mess, I would have gotten a puppy not a kid.

Most days when I can no longer entertain her, we get in the car and go somewhere, but this generally leads us to a store, and as we all know, store=spending money=Broke, with a capital B-R-O-K-E, which = mad husband=mad me and so on and so forth, vicious cycle.

So, tell me what in the world do I do with a non-toddler. Keep in mind that I also have to work 5 hours a day, 4 days a week and 3 out of those 4 hours are worked during her nap time, so we can't stray too far from the house for very long.

In other news, like there is other news besides the Boo Bear, I have been feeling...lackluster and longing, lately. (pretend there is a great segway here) We don't watch much TV in this house anymore because we don't let Boo Bear watch it. We only turn the TV on after she has gone to bed and we are done with dinner. I used to be a CSI fan, but lately they have gotten too gruesome and graphic for me, so I have stopped watching. I watch three shows on a regular basis, Gilmore Girls, Men In Trees and the UFC with hubby. That's it. Last week GG was a re-run, Men In Trees wasn't even on and we weren't home on Thursday night for UFC. I found myself longing for the days when I enjoyed TV. I found myself surfing channels hoping to find something that I would enjoy to the level that I used to enjoy it.

I know deep down that this longing has nothing to do with TV and everything to do with the fact that I am in one of life's ruts. Don't get me wrong, I love my life in the general, broad sense of things, but I am looking for something new, something exciting, something different right now. I know to leave well enough alone because I have lived long enough to know that you don't mess with those things and if you wait long enough, new, exciting and different find you on their own and sometimes, usually, it's not really quite what you had in mind anyways.

Hubby and I are both at points where our jobs are lacking the excitement and fulfillment they used to. I still love my job, but I love the job of being a Mom more and I'm tired of feeling like I am only putting 10% into each one of those. I am starting to think forward to having another child and if I thought the pressure of the holidays coming on our budget was killing me, the thought of having another child almost breaks me. Having another child without insurance. Having another child and living on one income so I can stay home with them. Having another child, the knowledge that I may never get a vacation with my husband again, all the while knowing that vacationing as we did BK (before kids) will never be the same anyways as it is. Like I said, I'm waiting for that next big change in our lives, and when it comes, I will shoo it away as it is not what I was expecting.

Also coming up is Thanksgiving. This statement is foreboding to many of us in and of itself, but for me, well, it brings with it a certain "doom" for lack of a better word. Every year for the past 3 years, we have done or had to do something major that has cost us lots and lots of money. 3 years ago we got married, 2 years ago we bought a house and last year we bought a car. The first one we chose, the other two were kind of chosen for us by circumstances. Imagine my delight when I tried to start my car on Saturday and it wouldn't start? Can you imagine, really go ahead and try. To my utter delight, hubby called and the auto shop said this: "It started right up for us and we've been driving it all day." Fabulous! Glad that my car has taken a dislike to me and that they enjoy using up my precious gas. So I am waiting for the Thanksgiving shoe to drop and hoping that this year, it will be minor. Actually, technically, we do have that shoe already as we are flying to NM to visit my Mom and Sister this year, so we have spent some money, although not the chunk we have spent in previous years and I am sure that I will be spent after flying with a non-toddler for the first time and spending 5 days away from home. Ahh... the holidays. I know there are people out there that love this time of year, but I just can't seem to figure out what is wrong with them.

Maybe I need to read a good book. Any suggestions?

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