Monday, January 31, 2005

At The Zoo

This song makes me smile.

At The Zoo, Simon and Garfunkel

Someone told me
It's all happening at the zoo.
I do believe it,
I do believe it's true.

It's a light and tumble journey
From the East Side to the park;
Just a fine and fancy ramble
To the zoo.

But you can take the crosstown bus
If it's raining or it's cold,
And the animals will love it
If you do.

Somethin' tells me
It's all happening at the zoo.
The monkeys stand for honesty,
Giraffes are insincere,
And the elephants are kindly
butThey're dumb.
Orangutans are skeptical
Of changes in their cages,
And the zookeeper is very fond of rum.

Zebras are reactionaries,
Antelopes are missionaries,
Pigeons plot in secrecy,
And hamsters turn on frequently.
What a gas! You gotta come and see
At the zoo.


I am going to be scarce for probably the next three weeks. I leave this Thursday for a week to go and visit my nephews and my sister. I will not have access to the internet for a whole week and a half. I might die.

I will be busy this week getting stuff done at the job to make sure all does not fall apart while I am gone. Upon my return I will be neck deep in email and the needs of people around me. So here is the weekend recap:

Friday night: 5:30-7:00 p.m.: Drive 1 hour and 30 minutes to her house for Genuine Bash III. Pick up food on the way. Find out on the way that her DSL is not working. No Bashing for us. Arrive with dinner and feed kiddos. At least I had kids to entertain me.

10:30 ish: Wonderful hubby of her's allows us to get onto his computer through the dial up and bash together on one computer. Proceed to confuse many bashers thoroughly.

12:30ish: Get DSL working and get back online about the time Genuine bashes his head on his keyboard. Continue Bashing until very late.

2:00 am-ish: Leave her house to drive home.

3:30 am: arrive home and fall into bed FOREVER.

Saturday: sleep late. Do stuff. Visit with MIL and Friend from Florida. Go to surprise party for friend from Austin. (Side note: bought pop rocks at party store. These aren't so good as an adult. They made my stomach hurt.)

Sunday: Sleep late again. Go to breakfast at Cheesecake Factory with hubby and go to see Meet the Fockers. Cute. Huge for me and hubby to go to a movie though. He doesn't like going to the movie theater with a bunch of people so we have seen 3 movies in the theater in the 4 years I have known him. Go to Sears and replace a ratchet (sp?). Exciting stuff. Come home. Take nap. Make dinner. Drink wine. Go to bed. Wake up at 3:30 a.m. for no $#%^&^# reason.

Exciting stuff ain't it?

What did you do exciting this weekend?

Friday, January 28, 2005


I cannot tell you how excited I am that little old computerless me gets to be a part of Genuine Bash III. Hope to see you all there! And thanks to Em's wonderful husband for letting me use his computer. What could be better than side by side blogging?

Dinosaurs and TMI (That is your warning)

Me: Hello?
Him: Do you like dinosaurs?
Me: In what context?
Him: Well, when I went to shave with the razor in the shower, there was a wooly mammoth in there.

What, I haven't shaved in awhile. It's winter and you can't see mine anyway.

Are these not the cutest little boys you have ever seen? My nephews at 4 days old. I cannot wait to hold them. Posted by Hello

Thursday, January 27, 2005

I'm full of shit today

Because I'm impatient and bored and falling asleep and about to poke my eyes out and because I actually kind liked this meme I found at Purple Goddess. And because I'm full of it.

High School Memories

What were your three favorite bands?

Hmm, Depeche Mode, The Cure, Garth Brooks (he-who-I-cannot-stand-now)

What was your favorite outfit?

I had a pair of jeans that had big holes in both knees. I loved these, but was forbidden by my stepmother.

What was up with your hair?

My hair is an everchanging thing. Freshman year I had a perm and blond highlights. By my senior year, I had hair all the way down my back and it was straight as a board.

Who were your friends?

Bekah, Emily, Jennifer, Sherry, Tiff, Lauren, Tammie

What did you do after school?

Practice. Drum and Bulge Corp, Drill Team, Cheerleading. Some club or another.

What did you do in your Summers?

Summers I was visiting my Mom in NM or Mexico or whatever place she decided to stay in for awhile.

Did you take the bus?

No, I got to endure that in junior high. The short bus no less (SHADDUP).

Who did you have a crush on?

Brent Etter. I made this neat little paint your own picture on it puzzle to ask him to prom. He said no. Chicken Shit.

Did you fight with your parents?

If you didn't fight with your parents in high school, you LIE!

Who did you have a celebrity crush on?

Johnny Depp, 21 Jump Street style

Did you smoke cigarettes?

I smoked for a short period of time my freshman year and then quit until I got to college. Who knows other than my step mother smoked and I tried to not be like her.

Did you lug all of your books around in your backpack all day because you were too nervous to find your locker?

I'm crazy not dumb.

Did you go to prom?

Yes, unfortunately. I can say that at least I can't regret not going for all of my life, but it wasn't a pleasant experience. Nothing horrible, but nothing grand. Pretty much me and another guy friend that wasn't going to go, got forced by our friends to go together. Hi, I don't have a boyfriend or any boy that likes me enough to slow dance with me. I'm pathetic, won't you take me to the prom. Blah.

Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?

I thought for sure that I would be married and have at least two children. Married: yes. Children, Practicing.

Pick your poison

No, not that kind. I'm in no more yankie my wankie land right now. Too much wine last night and I was mixing. Stupid.

Anywya, I was thinking of doing a meme. I know, how original. But I'm going to let YOU pick a meme for meme. So, pick a meme and I will do it.

Either I'm not as creative as I think I am or I drink too much wine and therefore have killed all the creative brain cells.

Meme on.

BoyishLY Sexy

You Are Boyish Sexy

You're the kind of girl who gets along with all the boys
Whether it's holding your own in a game of touch football...
Or kicking some major butt while playing Xbox.
You hang with the guys easily, while still keeping your girly sexiness.

What Kind of Sexy Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Ranting and Raving

Hubby and I were watching TV last night and a preview for Super Nanny or whatever that show is came on and there is this three year old with a bat, screaming, "Get out of my way!" Where does a child get something like that? I would speculate a parent. I mean, "Move!" is the standard vocabulary of a 3 year old I would think. Now, I'm not an expert, nor do I have children, but I have worked with children a lot in my past. I can only imagine the mother or father screaming at each other, "Get out of my way!" Regardless, I do have a point, really I do.

Hubby and I then discussed how we grew up. I was taught to respect my elders. Not just my elders, but people in general. Have we as a society gotten so hardened that we no longer treat each other with respect? We really don't. These days it's all about me, me, me. I'm in a hurry, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now. Children in general no longer respect elders. Elders seems like such a fuddy duddy word, but the basis of respect your elders I feel is a really important thing that has been lost and I am saddened by that. I hope that when I have children, I will instill in them that those who have lived longer are wiser and should be respected. I hope to teach them by words and by actions in what I do and say on a daily basis. I try to treat people well, including strangers. If my children are being treated without respect by an elder, I hope that by my actions and response, my children will learn that regardless, ALL people should be treated with respect. END RANT.

On another note/rant, email etiquette. I understand that when emailing with friends we tend to be lax in our grammar and spell check and so forth, but in business, tell me is it really okay for a vendor to send an email that says, "OMG that is so cool!" Seriously! Grow up. I know we are in a different time and place and things are much more casual, but professional is still professional, learn to be it.

And lastly, ranting about those ribbons. I support our troops and I support breast cancer treatment and I can even understand having the ribbons. I really do like the small ones that people wear on their lapels, but the car ribbons are getting out of hand. I don't know why they bother me so much, but they do. This morning on my way to work there was a truck that had 8 of them. 8 all the way across the tailgate. Ridiculous I tell you.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Dead Flowers

One of my vendors just sent me flowers. Fed Ex. I don't care how they were sent, you don't send live flowers. They stink. Ewwww.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Who Am I?

As I went and listened to an interview that Dooce did on NPR, I was a little surprised by the sound of her voice. I can't really say what I thought she sounded like, but it wasn't that. It got me to thinking about how we all conjure up a vision of each of our readers and the blogs that we read. We picture people in our minds. What they look like, what they sound like, what they're really like in person. Sometimes it is a pretty solid picture and sometimes it is just a fuzzy idea of who that person is. When we finally see pictures or hear or meet these people, it is interesting to see how the real person compares to the one we have created.

So I'm curious, who am I to you? What do you envision I look like, sound like, etc. I will tell you whether you are right or not. I don't post pictures of myself, but I will describe my attributes after I hear what you think.

Who am I to you?

Bundles of Joy

I am officially an aunt to beautiful baby boys. My baby sister delivered her boys yesterday afternoon. I cannot wait to see and hold those beautiful bundles of joy! They were two minutes apart. The first boy weighed 6 lbs 12 ozs and the second boy weighed 5 lbs 11 ozs. That poor girl!

Sunday, January 23, 2005

My dearest readers, yes, this is me topless.  Posted by Hello

Friday, January 21, 2005

Lessons Learned

First, I am learning to watch what I say when talking to him and her and her, but really mainly him. But apparently no one is too interested in seeing me topless so I don't have anything to worry about.

Purple hooter shooter with a chaser please

Watching TV two nights ago, this commercial came on for Chasers. Chasers are these pills that are supposed to help prevent hangovers. I have tired them and they might actually work except you have to remember to take them like every two hours while you are drinking. Hello, we're drinking. Memory isn't exactly top on the list when consuming large amounts of alcohol.

The commercial cracked me up. For one thing, the main "character" in the commercial wasn't some 20 or 30 something party person. No, it was a 50 something year old man. Who looked like he had seen his share of alcohol. The best part was the end of the commercial. With a serious face he said, "Don't drink and drive and avoid hangovers." Something like that. I cracked up through the entire commercial, but that sent me over the edge.

Drink responsibly and avoid hangovers.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Oh Shit!

Proof that I am old!

You Are 31 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

(searching for short skirt and skateboard)

She's having a baby. Two actually.

Well, my sister has a C-section scheduled for Monday morning at 9 CST. When she told me the news, I started crying. I cannot believe it is already time. I'm worried and excited and scared and shocked. My baby sister is having twins. If I'm this much of a basket case when she is having the kids, I can only imagine that I will have gone far off the deep end when I have my own.

And I have to wait a whole month to see her and the boys. I can't believe that, but I am doing what she asked and giving her time to settle down. I'm gonna go nuts not being able to see and hold the boys. Mom has promised to send pictures, but that just isn't enough. Again, patience is not one of my better attributes.

The End of the Photo Meme

This is it folks. All you ever wanted and more.

Amber asked to see:

1) My dirty laundry piles. (lucky for me I just did laundry)
2) My favorite shoes on my feet. (my favorite shoes are my flip flops, but that's pretty boring, so here's a shot of my new shoes)
3) a picture of a picture of me when I was a child

Christine asked to see a picture of my breakfast (Nikki asked to see a longhorn or a cow), a picture of my TV screen during my favorite show, and one item of my choosing as long as it is my favorite color. Red is my favorite color and I love my Betty Boop notebook.

I think I covered everyone. Let me know if I missed something.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Blog Meet in Texas

Changed up that title a little bit to clarify. I just wanted to be sure that everyone was included. As in you over there in OHIO and you over there in CANADA and you guys up there in WASHINGTON... and everyone, everywhere else, even you and you from way over yonger. all of you over there on that blogroll and any who aren't on it. You are all invited. The blog meet just happens to be in TEXAS. Houston-ish to be exact. We have some interest building and hope for more. So drop a comment and let me know if you are interested.

There might just be a special guest too. Can't tell you yet though.

How many Bloggers can fit in one location?

I got nothin'

I'm lacking today. So, without any ado, tell me 5 random songs and their artists that are on your playlist or whatever it is you kids use to listen to music these days.

My completely random list includes:

1. Piece of Work - Jimmy Buffett
2. In Another's Eyes - Trisha Yearwood & Garth Brooks
3. Sorry For The Rain - Fisher
4. You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban
5. Country Boyz - Nappy Roots

No you go.


Photo Meme continued:

Jenny asked to see my closet. Sorry it's fuzzy, I took it this morning. I was fuzzy.

She also asked for a pic of a pet, but we don't have any pets. Sorry.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Daily Breakfast

Looks like I will be eating all of this for breakfast from now on.

Texas Blog Meet

I had to refrain from typing Meat for some reason there in the title. Have I mentioned I'm a dork? Just doing my daily deed to prove it.

Moving along. Em and I have discussed this off and on for awhile so I thought I would put some feelers out. Sorry to be so touchy/feely. Not really... Boy am I having trouble staying on track today.

If you are in the Lonestar state (or anywhere and willing to travel to the Lonestar state) and would be interested in meeting some fellow bloggers, leave a comment here and Em (yes, I'm roping you into this) will start planning one with the help of anyone else interested in helping.

How many Texas bloggers can fit into one location?

*UPDATE: I guess I should mention that we are in the Houston area. Since the Lonestar state is kinda big and all.

Dearest friend:

Dear Alcohol,
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.

While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips(washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries). I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness:
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. I really need answer by COB today as I have Margarita Therapy scheduled. Thank you.

Photo Meme

Well, a little at a time people.

Last Girl on Earth asked to see the inside of my fridge.

Mellie asked for a picture of my mailbox.

That's it for today, but more to come soon.

Monday, January 17, 2005

The ride into work this morning at 7:00 am CST. Posted by Hello

Weekend Recap: Cuz I know you care

As much as any sane person could possibly say that Monday is not bad, I'm having a pretty good day so far. I had a great weekend and despite not wanting it to end, I had a beautiful drive in to work this morning. God was present. Will post pictures soon.

Friday we had friends over for dinner. Sad to say not many of my friends have gotten to the see the new house, so I was excited to show it off. Hubby made a great dinner and much wine was consumed.

Saturday AM we got up and met friends at the dirt bike track. Took some pics and will post those in a little while as well. And yes, I will post the pictures requested in the previous post. Give me a little time. Maybe I will do one a day. Maybe I won't. I'm noncommittal.

Saturday afternoon I cleaned/moved things around in the guest bedroom so that my friend Jen would have a place to sleep when she came to visit and party. We went to Berryhill, my first trip and enjoyed the best queso I have ever had and fish tacos. Then off to the country bar for some dancing. Ran into an old dance partner and just hung out. Nothing much to tell. Later met up with Hubs and some other friends at another bar. Watched some drunks dance to bad music and questioned the fashion choices of the "younger" generation.

Sunday I finally was able to get Jen out of bed around 1:00 PM. That girl can sure sleep. I managed to utterly demolish an attempt at breakfast, so we ate at the food cart at the mall. Now I don't shop very often and when I do I normally buy something at Target or Walmart. Yeah, I'm stylin', I know it. Proof in point that I rarely shop, I didn't even know that NY and Co. had closed in July and rearranged the store. Jen on the other hand, is the shopping queen and for once she helped me shop rather than me watching her shop. That girl can drop some cash. But she works her ass of so she deserves to spend money on shopping. I bought two pairs of pants, 4 shirts and 2 new pairs of shoes for $150.00. Yeah me. I love NY and Co. I also managed to buy 3 bras after trying on 15 and chaffing my boobies. Great visual I am sure. Hubby was also glad to hear that I have gone up another size. Music to his ears, to me it just means I am getting fatter.

All in all, I had an enjoyable weekend. Can't say I'm glad to be at work, but at least I can blog here.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Behind the times

I am sooooo yesterday. I know, I don't need it rubbed in. Unless of course you are rubbing the sore spot that is my entire back. In that case, keep a-rubbing. My point, ah yes, a point. Well, I finally got one of those things called a digital camera. And I am soooo in lovvvve with it too. I carry it in my purse and take pictures of anything and everything, as you can see by the recent posts of pictures and nothing much else. Anyhoo... A While, long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was a meme, a picture meme. Tell me three, or cuz I'm lazy and such, one or two or whatever you feel like, things that you want to see a picture of and I will get them for you in no particular order and in not particular time frame. How you like them apples?

So, what do you want me to shoot? Pictures that is. This is Texas after all.

Won't you humor a little behind the times meme?

Poo head

No I don't have a two year old learning to talk. I have a 30 something husband who decided while we were dating that Pooter Shooter would be my nickname. Lucky for me, he has shortened it and mostly just calls me Shooter. Hence Shooter's Station, the url for my blog. But on occasion, hubby calls me poo head, or poo poo shoo, or poo shoo. So just now on the phone...

Him: "I love you poo head."
Me: "I love you too."
Him: "Poo heads are better than none."

And that's why I love him.

Confessions of a 30 Something Drama Queen

I'm doing as little as possible today. Case in point: I have 4 browsers open.

Browser 1: Blogroll
Browser 2: Blog Explosion
Browser 3: BlogClicker
Browser 4: This post

Headed Home Posted by Hello

Thursday, January 13, 2005

To be as late as possible, our Christmas Tree. Posted by Hello

Roll on highway, roll on. Posted by Hello

Watch out for that firecracker!  Posted by Hello

I know I'm late, but I finally got my camera and was able to hook it to the computer. This was all the fireworks we had at NYE. Posted by Hello

Baby Girl

I didn't write too much about my last trip to NM. Mainly because there was so much to say and I didn't quite know how to put it all into words. One of the things that hit me hard during my trip was how "grown up" my baby sister is. When I say baby sister, I mean she is four years younger than me. She is technically my big, little sister as she is almost 6 feet tall. As I sat in her living room and watched her clean her house and interact with her boyfriend, I was struck by this woman. She was no longer just my little sister, she was a woman, a homemaker, a girlfriend, a career woman, and a soon to be mother of not one, but two little boys. She brought tears to my eyes as I saw her pregnant for the first time.

This woman has had to grow up faster than most. She has worked as hard as any adult from the first time she was able to get a paying job. She helped pay the bills when she was just a teenager. She has been the parent to her parents for so long. Now she will be a parent to her own children, which is the way it should be. I am so proud of who she has become. And although I know she looks up to me quite a bit, I also know that I had very little to do with the beautiful, strong, intelligent, amazing woman that she has become. T you are beautiful. I love you and am proud of who you have become. I know you will make a great mother, for you have been one for many years. I wish for you peace and strength when you give birth to my beautiful nephews.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

BoB has made people go Bonkers

Well, it seems that in my absence, the blog world, at least a little part of it, has gotten some panties and boxers in a great big wad. Why do I care to comment on the hilarity of it all, well, I get to do what I want most of the time as my parents tell me I am a grown up now.

Some of the things being said are that the BoB Awards are all about a popularity contest. Well isn't anything in this nice reality riddled world we live in. Do you think the Presidential Election was about values, no it was popularity. Bottom Line. School elections, Government elections, polls, it's all about popularity. What or who people know is the driving force in our lives. You don't pick an apple over an orange if you've never tasted an apple and you know you like oranges. I have been voting for some of these people with panties in a wad and I vote for them because I like their blogs. I don't know any of them personally. I read. I enjoy. That's it.

I am honored to be nominated for a BoB Award as I am please to be in the company of such wonderful writers, entertainers and down right fun and interesting people for a variety of reasons. I blog because, well, that's another post. The BoB Awards were supposed to be fun and nothing too serious. Sure, there's prizes involved, but whoopie, there are prizes at Chuck E Cheese, do you freak out over those? This is supposed to be FUN people. What happened to the FUN?

*Please note that I chose not the link anything in this post as I was venting frustration rather than pimping the awards. And as a side note, I was nominated for biggest blog whore and so I have just been playing the part in which I was nominated.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Keep your stink to yourself

Don't you just hate when someone walks into your office right after their smoke break and then leaves your office stinking like cigarette smoke.

Yea, I will Lysol your ass.

In other news...

Work is kicking my ass. Technically, I have been neglecting work for blogging and have felt the need to get focused and actually do the job that I get paid for. And I'm really busy. So, I am here. I appreciate the comments and will try and respond as soon as I can to all of your wonderful words. In the meantime, let's do a little blog it forward. Leave me a comment of a blog/person that I should check out and why you read them. I will then go to each of those sites and leave a comment telling them that you sent me.

To blog it forward, why don't you go check out Sarcastic Journalist. She is a fellow Texan from very near me. She is snarky and funny and tells it like it is. Go and try and find out why her site is called Shenuts.

Hope to catch up with each and every one of you soon. And don't forget who your favorite Whore is.

Friday, January 07, 2005

What did I do to you?

Okay, so I am getting my cute little blog whore ass kicked over at the awards. People. What did I do. I mean, you are driving me to drink. What do I have to do to get some votes around here? A shorter skirt? A shorter top? No top? What? I mean really. I'm hurt, wounded, crying in my soup. Except I don't have any soup!

Okay, I'm out of breath from running around yelling at you guys. I'm off to practice my whore dance! Wanna watch?

Big Bird

Just heard in a budget meeting:

"I want to be the big bird."


So who do you want to be? I'm Elmo. Hokey Pokey Elmo to be exact.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Assignment Blogroll

I'm off to a meeting shortly, but I have a mission for you. Should you choose to accept said mission, you just might learn/meet something/one new.

First, go to my blogroll, (that never ending thing over there on the left), and pick a blog you have never seen before. Go visit them. Leave them a comment. Then come back and tell me who you visited and what you learned from them. You might just expand your blogroll. Rinse. Repeat. Got it? Good.

This message will self destruct in ... Never.

As for me, I'm going here and choosing from their blogroll. I chose randomly from my blogroll. And I am visiting Enjoy.

The things you've taught me

Happy New Year!

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern, I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Jeez, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!) I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time) I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor. Your first 2005 chain letter!If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00 pm tomorrow afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.

Bra Talk

There is no poking out of the underwire today. But I really need a new bra, cuz the boobies aren't staying in this one.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

On my way to reaching goals!

Holy crap batman! Look what I got! Posted by Hello

I'm sooooo classy

Why? Because if you worked where I work, you could have just witnessed my putting my hand down my shirt to fix the underwire from my bra sticking me in the boob. While eating candy corn I found in my desk drawer. Tell me that ain't classy? Not tell me I ain't a whore!

Crack pipe dreams

I was over catching up at Corp.Mommy and reading her most recently post about her dream Jag and it got me thinking.

We all have dreams of things that we know we will probably never have. Some of us are more optimistic or young or naive and believe these things are attainable. Some of us are realistic/jaded/comfortable/pessimistic and don't believe we can ever have these things, but a piece of us is still hopeful. I fall somewhere in the middle. I have always been a sort of status quo girl. I am one of those people that unless it is REALLY broken, I just deal. I don't fix. I get by.

I have a job I love now, but if I were to lose it tomorrow (Please God NO!) I would go find something else to do. Whatever I could find. I don't really have a career per se. I have a BS in Kinesiology with a minor in Psychology and I work in marketing. For a hotel. And I love it. I am a PR/Ad person that proofreads and does project management more than anything. I like it. But it is very status quo. My dream job would be to be a dancer for music videos and awards shows and stuff like that. Small problem, I'm now old, out of shape and really don't look good in those midrif baring shirts that used to look so good, I mean slutty on me. I also would love to be a photographer and make lots of money for photos I take. One problem, no training, no camera (coming soon) and no motivation. Status Quo. I talk about taking classes. And talk and talk.

Boy did I get off the subject. My intent at the beginning of the post was to list some things I would love to have, but that I don't think will ever happen. And in the end, I'm okay with that, because unfortunately as I begin to build said list in my head, it is very materialistic and that is just not who I want to be nor who I really am. So I shall list in random order things that I would love to have, but don't need to have:

~A Volvo SC90. This is my dream car/SUV.
~A house with enough rooms for my (future) kids to have their own rooms. A playroom/gameroom, a movie room, a swimming pool and hot tub, an outdoor kitchen. Oh, and it would be on the beach, but built into a mountain. kay.
~The ability to purchase clothes whenever I wanted no matter how much they cost. And shoes. And purses. And stuff for my house. Okay, just lots of money, keep it coming now.
~The freedom, financial and otherwise to travel all over the world, whenever I wanted to.

What pipe dreams do you have?

My REAL Resolution for 2005

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Become an online stalker.

Get your resolution here

I think I am doing quite well thank you. Am I stalking you, or you, or you in the corner who likes to hide from me? You can't hide.

De-lurking is De-lovely

Sheryl over at Papernapkin has declared today, Delurking day, so be De-Lovely and leave a de-comment. I know I have a couple of readers. I think.

Cactus Aid

Chris is doing his part to help with aid for the tsunami victims as well as doing a little pimping of himself. Which is pretty cool as Cactus is pretty cool and his has body wear that says Zero Tolerance for Asshats. So go help and buy some cool stuffs!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Parallel Whoring

Well, I guess I'm not a very good Blog Whore as I am getting my ass kicked in the BoB awards. I don't know whether that is a good thing or a bad thing. I will tell you that I'm tired of having my ass hang out of this short skirt and my feet hurt from the hooker boots, so I guess I can slack off now and just put my yoga pants back on and be comfy. And I don't have to take hand me down's from Beth once she chooses her awards outfit and bling. Jay has called me out for stealing his girlfriend/fiances name and his wallet among other things. As I just don't look as good in a Tiara as he does, I wish him the best at winning. He is certainly better at cheating, I mean Whoring, than I am. I just want to see what dress he chooses should he win.

So with that, I give you this:

Searching for PBP (Professional Blog Pimp) to Whore me Out. I just am too tired from being ridden, ahem, I mean whoring, I mean working, to pimp myself out right now. Please inquire within the comment section. Prior experience helpful.

What's my name?

Meetings suck! And I've left my brain somewhere else. I'll get back to you.

Monday, January 03, 2005

2005 not so resolutions

I don't really do resolutions. All that setting yourself up for failure, etc. I have never been one to write down goals even though I am a big supporter of telling others that the best way to reach your goals is to write them down. If I am one thing, it is honest, I am a hipocrite and quite good at it.

So, in no particular order and with no particular reasoning, I present a list of things, that if were they to happen in 2005, I would consider it a successful year. This will hopefully be an ongoing, neverending list.

In 2005 I would like to:

listen more
talk less
give more
take less
be more and not less
become a mother
become a better wife
become a better housekeeper (shaddup)
become a better photographer
become a better friend
workout more
squish less
love more, endlessly, selflessly
become a wonderful Aunt
learn about plants so as not to kill my existing beautiful landscaping
Maintain/better my relationship with my parents (all of them)
Keep in better touch with my brother
visit my sister frequently
go on vacation
drink less
worry less
be meaningful more
be useless less

What do you wish for yourself in 2005?

Leaf me alone

How does one respond, when in the middle of lunch, your husband looks at you and says, "So, I guess all the leaves HAVE to fall of the trees, huh?"

I think this was his attempt at trying to figure out how to not have to rake the front yard 10 times a day.

Can I just say...

HOOK EM! What an awesome game. Vince Young has some serious talent. I have not kept up with my Texas Ball as much this year as in the past, but this game kept me on my toes and gave me new respect for a running QB. I don't know how many times I yelled "Beautiful!" at the TV, but hubby could hear me yelling in the garage. A little bit of role...not really reversal, but strange roles as I am the one that likes football, hubby does not. So he tinkered in the garage while I screamed and yelled at the TV.

Can I also just say, I am so not feeling the love today.

Best Little Blog Whore in Texas

Well, you like me, you really like me. Posted by Hello

Thanks to Em, Jenn, Michelle, Sara, and Mellie for nominating me for Best Blog Whore. Please go and check out all of the finalists, in all the categories and then vote for the blogger you think is most deserving. These awards are great because they recognize the people who blog for fun and friendship and comraderie. All of the finalists are worthy of awards as are all the nominees. I am honored to be even nominated and be in the company of these people. Voting ends January 17th.

Oh, and I wouldn't be a good little blog whore and the Best Little Blog Whore in Texas, if I didn't say, Vote For Me Ya'll! Thanks ya much! Yee Haw! Now quit looking up my blog skirt and go vote.

Simon Says

In keeping with our game theme, let's play a little game of Simon Says, except of course, my name is not Simon, (or maybe it is) so it will be a game of Jazzy Says. Actually it will be a game of ________ (Your Name) Says. Leave a comment with a link to one of your daily must-reads in the form of "__________(Your Name) Says, go check out my daily must-read,"

The next person to comment should leave their Simon Says must-read recommendation and then go to the previous commentors' Simon Says must-read recommendation and leave a comment. Share the love people.

I'll go first.

Jazzy says, go check out my must read daily, Michele. And of course, tell her I sent you.

***UPDATE: Tell me how you REALLY feel about this game. It sucks apparently.