Thursday, December 30, 2004

Well, I Never

I don't know why this popped into my head, but have you ever played that game I Never? I mean the drinking game? If so, well please play along. If not, you are in for a treat.

How to play: Each person says something in the form of I never, such as I never kissed a boy under the bleachers. Then anyone who has done that thing, has to drink. So we are going to play, blog style. I will start. Comment on my I never as to whether or not you have done such a thing and then leave your I never comment. Be sure to be truthful and tell us all what you have and haven't done. You can comment just on the person above you and their I Never or on all the I Nevers.

Let's play a little game of I Never. Put your "I Never" in a comment and don't forget to list your drink of choice. Don't forget to drink (comment) if you have done something.

Here we go...

I have Never been arrested.

Your turn.

*Please blog responsibly.


Momma always said goals were important

As it is almost 2005 and since I don't really make New Year's Resolutions, here is my goal for 2005. (Reminder, I am a blog whore.)

My goal for 2005, as lofty as it may seem, is to win 100 credits on BE. That is all I want for myself in 2005. Well, maybe not all I want. I do so, so, so want/desire/beg to be added to The King of All Blog Whores' blogroll.

Where have all the animals gone?

Can anybody explain this to me?

Got change for a change?

Huh? I dunno. I'm wanting a change on this here blog. I don't want a new skin just yet. I love me my Betty, but I want something to add or change or talk about or something.

So tell me, what would you like to see here? And keep it clean!

Fat Thought

On my way home from her baby shower last night, I had this thought:

...When you get pregnant, you don't have to hold your stomach in anymore. You have an excuse to be fat.

Hmmm. And not Tiff, I'm not calling YOU fat. You are absolutely adorable pregnant.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

What day is it?

Well I am back at work and trying to play catch up in between meetings. I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. I sure did. I will do a quick recap:
  • Christmas in San Antonio.
  • Snow in Houston
  • Snow in Corpus Christie where MIL went first.
  • No snow in San Antonio.
  • Very bummed husband about no snow.
  • Fun with family
  • Saw Spanglish.
  • Back Monday afternoon.
  • Hubby with stomach flu Monday night into Tuesday morning.
  • Upset stomach for me for two days, but no throwing up.
  • Very happy about that.
  • Two day work week.
  • Very happy about that.
  • Baby shower tonight for friend from Virginia.

In other news:

I am a finalist in the BoB awards for Biggest Blog Whore! Thanks to all of you that nominated me. I probably owe some of you a shout out here, and I will try as soon as I catch up. Voting begins January 1st and I truly hope that in your hungover state, you can remember to vote for me.

In my ongoing effort to become the Best Little Blog Whore in Texas, if you want a link here on my site, just leave me a comment and I will link you up Scottie!

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Happy Happy Day!

Merry Christmas and to all a good night. I hope everyone is having a blessed and full Christmas Day! I am truly blessed this holiday season. Don't forget the snowball fight. Scroll down, I'm too lazy/punchy drunk to link. It snowed in Texas and it is absolutely amazing. Unfortunately, it did not snow here in San Antonio and my husband is very bitter about that. But snow in south TX is a rare occasion.

Have an awesome day!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

No dice

Well, I thought we were getting to leave early today, cuz, well our boss kind of implied it, but no dice. I'll be here til 5. Wouldn't be too bad, but did I mention it takes me an hour to an hour and a half to get home now? And that's on a normal day. Today is not normal. So have a Merry Christmas. I will hopefully get home by Christmas day.

Hippo Holidays

Well, I will be leaving work shortly for the holiday. I am traveling to San Antonio to see hubby's family. Of course no work means no blogging. Bummer. I will be back on Wednesday. Ack! That's a long time. I will not have a guest blogger, unless of course Em highjacks my site. In my absence, please continue the snowball fight and I will be sure to fight back when I return. Remember, place nice, but play to win! Meanwhile, I will be drying off by the fire as I have been snowballed!


Wednesday, December 22, 2004


Tag, you're it! GOTTCHA! Whoever comments first, well you lucky dog, you get nail me with a snowball. By commenting here, you are throwing a snowball at me. I will in turn, go to each of your blogs and get you back. Beware, I have a pretty good arm! Be sure to tell me here who you snowballed or who you got snowballed by!

Now go to the person's blog who commented before you and hit them with a snowball. And in true Michele fashion, tell them I started it. Tell them you are participating in the Jazzy Snowball Fight 2004.

Go ahead, say it... Blog Whore!

I'm all about the spirit

Well, most of my titles this week have been spirity, which is ironic, because I am not feeling the spirit. Except of course a little bit here and there. I try every day to remind myself to be thankful for all that I have.

So, I am thankful for:
  • Family to spend the holidays with
  • My new digital camera that will be waiting for me when I get home! Yippee!
  • Cold weather for Christmas
  • Our new home
  • Ice skating with friends
  • The funds to take friends to lunch for their birthday's
  • Friends in general.

That last one really hits home. Last night as me and some friends sat around at our second home, my friend Toto (name changed to protect the not so innocent) said something like,

Her: "Don't you just look around sometimes and feel so proud of what you have?"

Me: "of course."

Her: "I mean of the friends you have and the conversations you have." (Remember beer was involved."

Me: "I spent to many years of my life without friends, that I thank God everyday for the friends I have now. I am so very lucky to be blessed with my friends."

This seems like such a horrible statement, but it is true. But it is twofold. The first part is that I didn't have a lot of friends growing up because we moved a lot. I was a book worm. I was shy and kept to myself. The second part was that when I did meet people and become friends, I had trouble trusting that they really liked me and so I was constantly trying too hard to make sure people liked me. This tends to push people away rather than pull them. I have learned to make friends, and keep friends and be a friend.

Sorry for the ramble, but it continues... yesterday in the middle of the work day, people from my office were summoned to our main lobby for a presentation. I had not heard about what was going on, but when I did hear, I had to see the look on her face when she received her presents. It seems that a lady here at work has had a hard year. I don't know all the details, but she was struggling to be able to buy presents for her daughter. Several people on property pitched in, and unbeknownst to her, bought her presents to give to her daughter and one for herself. The presents were wrapped, a letter from Santa was drafted and we dangled a carrot in front of her to get her to the lobby. She didn't quite understand what was going on and she tried to start distributing the presents to those of us standing in the lobby. Her daughter and I have the same name so I had to keep telling her that the presents weren't for me. Finally someone spoke up and explained and she started crying.

This was such a wonderful thing to be able to do for another person and it drilled in how absolutely blessed I am. Sometimes we get lost in the season and we forget what it is really about. So if you have the means, do something for someone that can't do for themselves this season. I know a lot of you already have. God bless and happy holidays.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Nothin' Doin'

I ain't got nothin for ya, so what's up?

What do you have planned for this holiday weekend?

Monday, December 20, 2004

The Spirit of Giving

This year hubby and I have decided that instead of giving each other gifts, we will take the money we would have spent and donate it to charity. Before you get all ooh and aaah, we did it partially for selfish reason. Selfish reasons being that we were beyond stressed about what to get each other and it was turning into a nightmare, so why not give the money to someone who needs it more.

As we discussed where we might give this money, and argument ensued. I won't go into details, but think for just a moment, we were arguing about charity. I'll let that sink in... Anyways.

Any suggestions on where we might donate. I would prefer to donate to a local charity, in which local means the greater Houston area. Thanks.

Kitties in need

Ro over at Twelveone has been in the cat rescuing business lately. She is attempting to save another cat. She tried about a month ago to save this one. These stories break my heart. If this doesn't convince you to spay and neuter your pets, well then you don't deserve to have any pets. Ro is taking donations to help out with the newest cat. She has been unable to get him to a vet as of yet due to financial constraints, understandable at this time of year. If you can help, visit Twelveone and ask how or purchase a gift card at Petco and send via email directly to Ro.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Another weekend of parties and people is here and I am trying to summon the energy. I will be leaving work early so that I can make it home in time to change my clothes for my office Christmas Party tonight.

I had lunch with a friend that is married to an alcoholic and is trying to recover her life and came back to my office to find out that one of my husband's employee's mother's is in the hospital and not doing well. I should be thankful for all the wonderful things in my life and my health, yet I'm having trouble just sitting here and functioning. I am thankful for what I have. My cup is full and runeth over. UnfortunatelyI seem to have spilled my cup on the floor of crap lately and the mop ain't working so well.

So, since I am lacking motivation, not to mention witt and charm, I leave you with this...

poo pah pee pee pub crawler, ditty doo, snap, crackle, pop, tricks are for kids (yes, I meant to spell it that way), simple minded, crudola, shnuts, spit, poo. Crap.

Smile for no reason. It makes people wonder.


Put me in a padded room and let me cry for a day or two. Then I'll be fine. I don't know what my problem is, but I am overly emotional right now. (No, it's not that time of the month) I'm worn out completely with 2 more weeks at least of crap to do. Hubby and I got in a fight about charity (yes, that is what I said, charity) last night on our way to get our Christmas tree and then I started crying for no reason this morning at work because we were arguing over my birthday present. Sheesh. I need... I don't know what I need.

Christmas Spirit

We got our Christmas Tree last night, finally. We decorated it while watching The Apprentice. 3 hours of Apprentice is way too much. Tell me who won and spare me the Regis Filbin. Anyway, it was our first Christmas tree as a married couple and it was really nice. but, damn them trees are expensive. We got like a five foot tree for $60.00. That thing is staying up til February for that price.

The Death of Civility

There is nothing on TV anymore really worth watching. We recently got some additional channels on our cable and now have 54 channels. I can flip through at any given time and there is never anything decent on. When did so called Music channels, quite playing music and start playing, well, crap? When did A&E start showing CSI: Miami and DOG?

I remember a time when watching television was somewhat safe. There were very few inferences to sex and no cuss words. I am amazed that they can say ass and bitch on TV, but not shit. Why? News isn't even appropriate for children. We are slowly being desensitized to sexual inferences and violence. Wednesday night I started to watch CSI: NY and had to turn it off. It was so graphic and sick, I couldn't watch it.

A friend of mine pretty much only lets her children watch videos and I can't say I blame her. What is on TV these days is smut. Slowly we as a people are accepting this new state of TV. Shows like desperate Housewives that are all about sex only desensitize us even more. Slowly we accept that this is the norm and then we love it. I'm not saying there shouldn't be these shows. So many people like them, but on prime time television. I know the world is changing and TV is a reflection of those changes. That is what scares me.

100 or so Things (Ongoing)

100 Things... Kind of

I was born in Austin, TX on Friday the 13th.
I went to 5 different elementary schools in 2 states.
I went to 1 junior high school.
I went to 1 high school.
I went to a junior high that specialized in sports and fitness.
My last PE class was in 5th grade.
I was in drum and bugle corp in high school.
I was in high kick drill team in high school
I was a cheerleader in high school.
I never felt like I fit into any of these groups.
I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere until I was about 21.
Sometimes I still don't feel like I fit in.
I have only broken my nose and my toes.
I have sprained both ankles.
I run into walls on a regular basis. We call it wall ping pong in our house.
I smoked for almost 10 years, but quit over 2 1/2 years ago.
I didn't tell my parents I smoked for 7 years.
I got my ears pierced when I was 7. My mom did it with a needle and ice.
I won't ever get my ears pierced again.
I have my belly button pierced though. Go figure.
I have zero tattoos and will never get one.
I have been married for a year to a man I never thought I would find.
It has been one of the best years of my life, if not the best.
One of my biggest accomplishments was finishing college.
It took me 6 years working sometimes 3 jobs at a time, but I finished.
I don't have a diploma. I got one, I just don't know where it is.
I have a BS in Kinesiology with a minor in Psychology.
I work in marketing.
I have a half brother and a half sister on different sides of my family that are the same age.
They have met 2 times in my life.
My mother and father were never married.
They split when I was 1.
My Mother is Quaker.
My Dad is Jewish.
I was Bat Mitzvah'd.
I don't believe in organized religion.
I do believe in God. Strongly. And Faith.
I suffer from depression off and on.
I try to stay off drugs though. (all drugs)
I am a very optimistic person the majority of the time.
When I am not optimistic, I know there is a problem.
I love to dance. To anything.
I don't hear words in music, I only hear beat. I usually pick up the chorus, but I can listen to a song for years and all of sudden realize what is being said.
I listen to country, jazz, classical, rap, hip hop, reggae.
My favorite is hip hop/rap.
But I am weaning myself off it, because my future children will not be listening to that smut.
I don't have a digital camera.
I don't have internet access at home.
I drive a 1996 car. It is 10 years newer than my last new car.
I drove a shit brown 1981 Honda Hatchback Wagon in college.
I hated the way I felt about myself when I drove that car.
I once spent a month in bed sick.
I will never do it again if I have a choice. My advice when you are sick, eat no matter what.
I lived in Mexico when I was little. Twice.
I spoke Spanish almost fluently.
I took 2 years of Spanish in Junior High and 1 year in high school.
I speak very little Spanish now. My Mom and sister speak it fluently.
I have had poetry I wrote as a child published.
I made a 76 on my driver's test.
I took the SAT's 3 times.
I lost my virginity 2 weeks before my 21st birthday.
He was an a**hole.
My dream car is the Volve SC90.
I want 2-3 kids and I want them soon. Not all at once though.
I want to always have enough money that we live comfortably and we want for nothing, but not too much money that we take it for granted.
I wish I lived closer to all my girlfriend's from high school.
I didn't used to get along with girls.
Now I value those friendships more than anything.
Secretly I think I was intimidated by other girls.
Now I know we are all insecure about the same things.
I consider myself weird.
Most of my friends would agree.
I am a liberal who believes the political system in the country is a farce, but I am thankful that we have a political system. It could be worse, we could live in Iraq or Mexico or any 3rd world country for that matter, where they don't even pretend to give the people a say.
I believe we know about 10% of what there really is to know about our country's government.
I like to read books by Dean Koontz, Patricia Cornwell and John Grisham.
As a kid I would go to the library and check out 30 books at a time and return them a week later for 30 more.
I didn't have many friends. (Moving around a lot)
If I could live anywhere in the world it would probably be in Hawaii as I want to live in the mountains on the ocean.
I hate wearing shoes.
I love, love, love buying shoes.
I have gotten so I go more for comfort than looks when buying shoes.
My favorite movie is Gone With the Wind.
My favorite book is The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. I love anything by Nicholas Sparks.
I am a sucker for reality shows.
I like watching people interact.
I wish people were more honest about who they are.
I tend to say too much about myself sometimes.
Tact and patience are not my best attributes.
I drive 80 on a regular basis.
I had my first ticket and my first accident within a day of each other.
I was 21.
I was sober for both.
I have done a keg stand, but never a beer bong.
I made shots for a living in college for 4 1/2 years.
I make a mean jello shot.
I hope I never have to wait tables again.
I was really good at it though.
I believe you should live life without regrets.
I've never in my life plucked my eyebrows.
I never want to. Ever.
I dream of being a Mother more than anything else.
I can drink a bottle of wine by myself and be fine.
Probably shouldn't be proud of that.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Meme Stealing

Stolen from someone who blogs.

Three Names You Go By:
1. Jazzy
2. Jazzman
3. Shooter

Three Screennames You Have:(I don't really have screen names *gasp*)If I did, they would be:
1. Jazzman
2. shooter
3. boopbabbles

Three Things You Like About Yourself:
1. optimistic
2. humor
3. intelligence

Three Things You Dislike About Yourself:
1. impatience
2. depression
3. disorganization

Three Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Norwegian
2. German
3. English

Three Things That Scare You:
1. the way the world is today
2. not being able to have children
3. my parents dying

Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. Coffee and water
2. blogging
3. kisses from hubby

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Black Knee boots
2. tank top
3. black pants

Three of Your Favorite Bands/Artists (at the moment):
1. Fisher Band
2. U2
3. Rascal Flats

Three of Your Favorite Songs at Present:
1. A Beautiful Day (Fisher Band)
2. Over and Over Again (Nelly feat. Tim McGraw)
3. Broken Road (Rascal Flats)

Three New Things You Want to Try in the Next 12 Months:
1. being pregnant
2. working out
3. a new car

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given):
1. Trust
2. Humor
3. Support

Two Truths and a Lie:
1. I have never been in a tanning bed.
2. I used to pick up hitch hikers with my Mom.
3. I used to coach gymnastics.

Three Physical Things About the Opposite Sex (or same) That Appeal to You:
1. eyes
2. legs
3. triceps

Three Things You Just Can't Do:
1. play basketball
2. ride a unicycle
3. a backflip

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Reading
2. Dancing
3. Photography

Three Things You Want to do Really Badly Right Now:
1. Sleep.
2. Start Christmas shopping.
3. see my sister

Three Careers You're Considering:
1. Mother
2. Photographer
3. Graphic Design

Three Places You Want to Go on Vacation:
1. Bali
2. Australia
3. Paris

Three Kids Names: (I don't share my future babies names because last time I did, they go ganked.)
1. Avery
2. Cameron
3. Tyler

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. Have children.
2. Be happy with myself. Completely.
3. Find the perfect gift for my husband.

You might be a blog whore...


Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Them's fightin words

Look, I can still write about stuff...

Back in my college days when I worked and played in bars all the time, I was little bit of a feisty bitch. Now I am not really a fighter at all and have calmed down in my old age, but there were times when you might beg to differ that I was not a fighter. Because I worked in bars and hung out in more bars, I knew most of the bouncers and therefore, I was a bitch because I could be. I had back up you see.

I enjoyed the look on people's faces (mostly obnoxious men) when I had had enough of whatever they were dishing and had already done my best impression of asking nicely for them to back off, when I would go get the bouncer and get them thrown out. Priceless. The I-can't-believe-she-did-this-to-me look.

Oddly enough, I have been in three pseudo "fights" in my life.

My first fight was ironically with one of the bouncers I worked with. He happened to be 6' 3" tall too. Mel and I were both off of work that night, so naturally we decided to hang out in the bar where we worked. Cheaper drinks this way. A couple of the bouncers were off as well and we had all been hanging around together. I just bought a brand new $150 George Strait felt hat. I'll wait until you are done laughing...

Yes this was back in my redneck days.

Anyways... Bill decided it would be funny to take my hat off my head. Redneck rule #1: NEVER TOUCH ANOTHER'S HAT. NEVER. Drunk Bill not only touched my hat, he took it off my head and promptly dropped it into a puddle of beer. Drunk Bill then promptly laughed his ass off. I calmly responded with the look of death and hissed through my teeth, "Touch my hat again and you will pay." Little old 5'3" me was going to make Big Tall Drunk Bill pay. It sounded good at the time.

So on with the night and then fun, until...Drunk Bill did it again. By IT, I mean that whole touching of the hat thing and dropping it in beer. I lost it. My went a little blank and I went a little crazy and well, I shoved him pretty hard. Had he been sober, he might have moved an inch, but luck was on my side and due to his inebriation, Drunk Bill went flying into the bar. Oops. Then he fell down. Oops. Then I punched and kicked him repeatedly. Oops. And when one of the other bouncers (who I happened to be dating) tried grabbing my hands behind my back to calm me down, well I shoved him too. Mel had been upstairs in the office and was coming down the stairs about half way through all this going WTF?! Bekah was in town visiting and didn't know what the heck was going on and who had possessed my normally quiet, kind body. Mel came flying down the stairs and knew enough not to touch me at that point. She carefully pinned me up against the wall and calmed me down.

And that, my friends, is my kicking ass story.

Missing the Mark

Work is kicking my ass.
The holidays are kicking my ass.
My ass has been sufficiently kicked.

It can stop now.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

You like me, you really like me

I am Genuinely honored to have been mentioned on The King's site. I just don't know what to do with myself or all these wonderful comments. I am trying to respond to each and every comment, so bare with me. I also cannot wait to visit each and every one of your site's. Unfortunately, work is kicking my ass right now, so my blog life has been put in a holding pattern and it's making me pissy!

Thank you Genuine for pimping me out. You are truly The King of Blog Whores and I am truly just a protige of yours. I hope that I can live up to your reputation at least a little bit.

So in the essence of blog whoring, I have added all that have requested to my blogroll. If you don't see your name and want to be added, just leave me a comment.

Don't forget to NOMINATE your favorite blogs over at the BoB Awards.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Thought I would share my birthday cake with everyone. Help yourself Posted by Hello

Continuous Whoring

The number one reason to vote for me at the BoB Awards today?

It's my 30th Birthday!

Remember, Best Little Blog Whore in Texas. Might have to get a new skin if I win.


Hi guys! Em here! So for those of you who don't know - today is Jazzy's birthday. SHE is 30 years old! Wow! I have known her more than 1/2 her life. That's so cool and I'm so lucky! Jazzy is a fabulous friend.

Saturday night all of her friends here in town went to dinner and out to "play" to celebrate her. We ate outside at Chuy's which was oh so cold - but saved us an hour wait. Then we went to a big adult toyland - no, not THAT kind of toyland, geesh, minds in the gutter this early on Monday morning! - we played arcade games and bowled and just had fun screaming and being silly!

More than once Jazzy has mentioned how much she loves her online friends - so I thought since you weren't all here to celebrate with us this weekend that maybe you would want to tell her happy birthday online! And for those of us who celebrated with her on Saturday night - today is the real day so go ahead and leave a comment also!

So here's what I was thinking - Jazzy is a whore - her own word - and we all know it is true. It shows up in two forms - 1st of all she's a comment whore - so please be sure to leave a comment here telling her happy birthday - how cool would it be for her to have just TONS and TONS and TONS of comments on her birthday - 2nd we all know she's a blog whore - so go to Blog Mechanics and nominate her for the Blog Whore catagory.

Jazzy, Happy Birthday!!!! I hope today is a great day for you! You have blessed my life in so many ways and I am so incredibly honored to call you my friend! Welcome to 30! I love you! ~ Em

Friday, December 10, 2004


Well in an effort to get this little blog nominated for the The Biggest Blog Whore over here, I'm pimping myself out here.

My first step is to do a little linky love. First, if you don't see your name on my blogroll and you want to be added, just leave me a comment here with all the required info and I will add you to the blogroll.

Secondly, I will pimp out some of my favorite reads. In an effort to not only promote some blogs I try to read daily (see below), but to pimp myself out in return, here are some favorites not previously pimped before:
  • Dell's Diner: She's a fellow Texas blogger and she has the cutest Nephew (until mine are born, then we'll have new cuteness!). Dell's fun, intellectual and openminded. And funny to boot. You guys know how I like funny.
  • Michele: She's witty and fun and oh so creative. Home of the Site of the Day, blog it forward game. If you don't read her, well you are missing out on cocktail parties and the such. Go see her and tell her Jazzy sent you.
  • Scared of Left Turns: Maxxipunk reminds me of myself at her age, so I'm reliving my early twenties through her. Of course she is funny and she is also a native Texas girl so what's not to like?
  • A View From the Bleachers: A friend of mine at work that reads my blog commented one day that she hadn't really found a lot of blogs of people that go out as much as we do. The first blog that came to mind was this one. He has great dating advice even though he is married. His bar tales are always amusing.
  • The Second Time Around: Brandie's tales of college life as well as her Thursday Bookroom are always an interesting read. She has a crazy life, but still finds time to enjoy the things around her.
And now, for BIG PIMPIN'!
The following are reasons why I think yours truly should be nominated for the Biggest Blog Whore.

  1. Upon leaving for my trip to NM, I knew I would be without my beloved blogging, so I got me not one, but two guest bloggers.
  2. Also upon leaving for my trip, I went through my blogroll and printed out 200 plus pages to read on my trip so that I could at least catch up with those I hadn't gotten to before leaving town.
  3. I finished said 200 plus pages before arriving in NM.
  4. My trip wasn't the first time I printed out blogs to take home with me. I do it on a regular basis.
  5. I blog more than I work.
  6. I have missed a meeting due to being so engrossed in reading a blog.
  7. I think of my blog friends as much as I think of my "real" friends.
  8. If I do not read at least one of these on a daily basis, I am not whole. Dooce, Genuine, RudeCactus, SoTheFishSaid.
  9. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about a post.
  10. I have left myself a voicemail on my work phone while driving into work about a post.
  11. I want to be just like Genuine, who I have already dubbed The King of Blog Whores. Go tell him Genuine Bash III (I am missing Genuine Bash II due to my birthday) should be a Pimp and Blog Ho Party.
  12. And the best reason to vote for me as the Biggest Blog Whore: I can be dubbed, The Best Little Blog Whore in Texas.

So there you go. Go VOTE for all your favorites, even if I'm not one of them. Voting is open now.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Oh hell...

I'm having comment issues today and may need therapy. That or more sleep or both. Shuddup.

For some reason my IT department thinks that The Zero Boss is somehow into bad things and I get the Big Red Hand (BRH) when I try to go into his site. Unfortunately I also get the BRH when I try to comment on any site that is hosted by the dear Zero Boss. I like The Zero Boss and feel a little like the little girl that doesn't get to play with the cool kids. Bah Humbug. (Side note for all you people thinking I should just change over to something else. I don't have a computer with internet at home so I do all my blog whoring at work. Shhh don't tell.)

Anyway back to my comments issue. Not on my site on other people's site. I was trying to comment on Mir's site and could not. So Mir, because I think I am important (I said I need therapy) and that what I have to say is important (therapy again) I am posting my comment here in hopes that some dear person who can access everything that the cool kids are doing will pass it along. So dear Mir:

Well, I was trying to comment on your most recent post, but for some reason my IT department feels as thought The Zero Boss is not suitable for mine eyes...

Woman I cannot believe no one wants to give you a job. If I had all the money in the world, I would convince you to move to Texas (no small feat I am sure) and pay you to humorize my life. Your writing and creativity are unstoppable. Seriously, I would pay you to make my life seem fun. Someone give this woman a job for pete's sake.

And while you are at it, figure out what smut The Zero Boss could possibly be attached to because I am cool damnit and I want to play with the cool kids.


I'm sitting here minding mine own business, trying to catch up on my blogroll and Hello just starts running itself. By itself! WTF!???

Any ideas?

My social calendar has been a bit full lately, which I really do enjoy since I spent the better part of my childhood lacking social anything, but tonight I am really looking forward to no socialization. I am going home and am going to be completely alone (for you stalkers, I have a shotgun under the bed and I know how to use it. Yes I am serious.) Alone. I haven't been alone in like 3 weeks. As much as I like my socialization and I mean I love me some people's around, I also need my alone time. I have had none. As much as I miss the hubby, I am so looking forward to going home and being alone. I'm going to work on the house that we moved in to two weeks ago that I have spent exactly 8 days in and I'm going unpack. I'm going to drink me some wine. I am going to watch me some mindless TV and I'm going to go to sleep and get up at a normal time. And I'm THRILLED about it all.

Buh Bye.

Dorkus me version II

So I got home from Hannukah last night bout 9:30, did my stuff and went to bed. Snoooooze.

Cut to this morning. Alarm went off once and I hit the required snooze button. I lay there pretending like I might go back to sleep for a very long time. Long enough to realize that my alarm should have gone off again. First ignored clue. Time on clock 7:23 AM. I set my clock ahead half an hour even though I know it is set half an hour ahead, it works for me. I don't know WHY.

I got up, turned on the shower and shuffled my ass to the kitchen for coffee. I am still learning to use the coffee maker we got for our wedding, because although it is a year old, I chose not to use it until I moved into a house that is 35 minutes away from work... Moving right along. I have tried to learn to program my coffee maker so that I can set it the night before and wake up to coffee that can be poured directly into my mouth before my shower. Not so much. The first day it worked, yesterday it didn't. So this morning when I shuffled in and went to get my coffee and there was none, well I thought, duh, what did I do wrong? I don't have my glasses on yet and am squinting at the clock thingie and it says 6:00 AM. I hit program. 6:30 AM. Hit it again. 6:00 AM. Um, huh? Is this thing telling me it's 6:00 AM? Stand in kitchen confused looking for another clock. Realize house is not unpacked all the way and no clocks are up yet. Walk back to bedroom and look at cell phone. 6:01 AM. Look at alarm clock. 7:31 AM. SHIT!

Go back to kitchen, turn on coffee pot and get in shower. #$^@#$^%@$#

Rules of (Holiday) Engagement

'Tis the Season to be Jolly. Pay attention.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread all tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Make Believe

So flubbermush has created a stir so I thought I might play a little game of MAKE-UP-YOU-OWN-WORDS or MUYOW pronounced just like it's spelled like Muy Ow. It's Spanglish for very ouchy. Sorry, I digress...

Here are some more MUYOW words to get you started. Comment and add your own. Don't forget to tell us how it's pronounced and it's meaning.

Pronounced just like it looks. When someone talks so fast and has so much spittle that it constantly comes out of their mouth, spraying the person they are talking to with a spit shower.

Pronounced grump a rump us. Used to describe someone who is in a foul mood such as my husband when he has not eaten all day or has just been awakened from a nap.

Pronounced... Wizzzzzzard. Bathroom, ladies room, etc... "I'm off to see the Wizzzzard."

Your turn.


The Best of Blogs is Here! Posted by Hello
Well Genuine and The Zero Boss have done what they do best yet again. Creating tradition and excitement in the blog world. Go check it out at These are awards for "real" blogs. My words, not theirs. Personal blogs not political or ad blogs. Nominations start tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

I feel like...


That's how I feel.

I know it's selfish, but all I want to do after work is go home and stare un-thinkingly at the TV. I do not want to drive an hour and a half in traffic, past the Galleria to my parents house for Hanukkah. I do not want to have to worry about having an allergy attack because of yet another cat. Why does my entire family have to have cats!? NEWSFLASH!!! Cats make me sick! I like cats, I really do, but they make my eyes bug out and my lungs stop working. Bah! I do not want to come home at 10 PM and crawl into a bed without my hubby. Bah!


On a good note, I bought this today and I can't help but smile when I hear the first song! Jinglemush.


Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world.
And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.

Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.
You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.

You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.
With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!


If you have been reading awhile, then you know I am half Jewish. Because I do not actively follow Judaism completely, I forget sometimes the holidays and their meanings. I like to remind myself what each holiday really means, so I decided to share with my readers a little bit about Hanukkah.

Hanukkah is celebrated for eight days and nights, starting on the 25th of Kislev on the Hebrew calendar (which is November-December on the Gregorian calendar). In Hebrew, the word "Hanukkah" means "dedication."

The holiday commemorates the rededication of the holy Temple in Jerusalem after the Jews' 165 B.C.E. victory over the Hellenist Syrians. Antiochus, the Greek King of Syria, outlawed Jewish rituals and ordered the Jews to worship Greek gods.

In 168 B.C.E. the Jews' holy Temple was seized and dedicated to the worship of Zeus.

Some Jews were afraid of the Greek soldiers and obeyed them, but most were angry and decided to fight back.

The fighting began in Modiin, a village not far from Jerusalem. A Greek officer and soldiers assembled the villagers, asking them to bow to an idol and eat the flesh of a pig, activities forbidden to Jews. The officer asked Mattathias, a Jewish High Priest, to take part in the ceremony. He refused, and another villager stepped forward and offered to do it instead. Mattathias became outraged, took out his sword and killed the man, then killed the officer. His five sons and the other villagers then attacked and killed the soldiers. Mattathias' family went into hiding in the nearby mountains, where many other Jews who wanted to fight the Greeks joined them. They attacked the Greek soldiers whenever possible.

About a year after the rebellion started, Mattathias died. Before his death, he put his brave son Judah Maccabee in charge of the growing army. After three years of fighting, the Jews defeated the Greek army, despite having fewer men and weapons.

Judah Maccabee and his soldiers went to the holy Temple, and were saddened that many things were missing or broken, including the golden menorah. They cleaned and repaired the Temple, and when they were finished, they decided to have a big dedication ceremony. For the celebration, the Maccabees wanted to light the menorah. They looked everywhere for oil, and found a small flask that contained only enough oil to light the menorah for one day. Miraculously, the oil lasted for eight days. This gave them enough time to obtain new oil to keep the menorah lit. Today Jews celebrate Hanukkah for eight days by lighting candles in a menorah every night, thus commemorating the eight-day miracle.

Ma'oz Zur - This popular hymn is sung after the candles are lit. The song recalls the miraculous defeat of Israel's enemies over the generations.

Chanukah Gelt - Chanukah Money. Chanukah Gelt is distributed to children after the candle lighting.

Dreidel - "Spinning top." While the lights are burning, it is customary for the children to play a "put and take" type game with a spinning top, called Dreidel. On the sides of the top are Hebrew letters that both indicate the rules of the game and offer a mnemonic of a Hebrew phrase indicating that "a great miracle happened here."



Sorry I haven't posted about my trip or anything for that matter. I am busy at work. Tired and lonely. Hubby left today for 3 days. I have seen him about 2 days in the last week and a half. I miss my hubby. I also need a break. My traveling and the move and my social calendar have been keeping me busy and continue to do so. Tomorrow night is my only night this week where I don't have something to do. I want to lay in bed and be a vegetable for just a couple hours, but I still have boxes littering our living room and I want to settle into my house. Bitch, Moan

Happy Hannukah to all of you out there who are celebrating it. I will be going to my parents this evening to celebrate. One of my cousins who I haven't seen in about 15 years is in town with her 12 year old son, so I am excited to get to see them.

I hope to catch up soon on my blogroll, but work is keeping me busy for now.

Hello, blog world, I miss you, but will be back soon.

Monday, December 06, 2004


I'm back and trying to get caught up at work, so probably no posting til tomorrow or the next day. I had a great trip, but am glad to be home! Thanks go Em and JuJuBee for guesting blogging. They will have special treat coming soon.

Sunday, December 05, 2004


Hey, Jazzy here. I'm still in NM. It's 10:00 PM on Sunday night and I'm coming home tomorrow. I've been lurking and am happy to see that Em and JuJu have kept you entertained to some extent. I will regale you with a trip recap in the next couple days. It's been a great trip and within a couple days I will also have some pictures to show you. Til tomorrow.

Can You Say...Slacker?

Yes, I have not been quite the poster that I had hoped I'd be here at Casa Jazzy. I will say that Blogger has been giving me shit everytime I try to log in as Jazzy, but here I am and I can't believe the weekend flew by so quickly and she will be back tomorrow already !

I am so glad to have "met" her through blogging, as I am glad to have met SO MANY people here in the blogosphere. You all truly mean so much to me and in some cases have been better friends than those in "real life" have been in some instances. I love everything about blogging...I can get my thoughts and feelings out there (and we all know how helpful it can be to get those out of your head) and I can interact with people in a way that otherwise would be impossible. I've met people from every background, every religion, every part of the world and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Thanks, Jazzy for inviting me to fill the space here that would have been void with your absence. Can't wait to have you back! If you are reading, anyone, take a second and tell us about your most profound experience with blogging...

Welcome back Jazzy, we all missed you!

~ JuJuBee~

He's Done it Again

I have never been so annoyed as I was last night. Genuine created these really great banners for me. Last night the kids were all asleep and I decided to try to get them up on Blog Explosion. I am somewhat technically challenged and this proved to be harder than I expected. In a very short amount of time I was so frustrated I couldn't even see straight. None of it was working.

In steps Genuine, the knight in shining armor. He tried walking me through it several different ways but Blogger and Hello were NOT working with us. So then I gave him my login and password for B.E. and he tried to do it FOR me. (All the while another friend of mine was trying to also help me figure out what I had done wrong.) Ryan is my resident computer genius but he wasn't home to help. Bottom line was I was not going to get my banners up - they simply weren't working - something about where I was hosting the images - I didn't do something right but none of us could figure out what I had done wrong.

Finally about midnight Genuine takes over completely (which was fine with me because I was tired and getting even more frustrated) and next thing I know he says that they are there and just waiting for B.E. to approve them. I won't tell you what he did to make it work but let's just say he is the sweetest guy! So it won't be long before you could see my banners pop up when you are surfing B.E.

I promised to give another plug for his company and their awards in appreciation for all of his help. So here it is:

Genuine and The Zero Boss are starting up a company (officially starting in January) that will help bloggers with design, traffic, content review, etc, etc, etc. For now the only advertising is word of mouth. So tell people about this. Their company is called Blog Mechanics and you can check out their website at It is still in process because they aren't really up and running yet - but go see them anyway!

They are also sponsoring a new set of blog awards. Apparently political blogs are taking over and real blogs aren't getting recognized like they should. So the BoB (Best of Blogs) Awards are being created. Both Blog Mechanics and Genuine will have current updates on the process for nominations I'm sure.

Okay - I've given their plugs! And not just because I told him I would but because he deserves it. So go on over and ask Genuine or The Zero Boss what Blog Mechanics can do for you!!!!

Enjoy the rest of the weekend! Jazzy will be back on Monday!

Friday, December 03, 2004

I Got In !

Lordy was that hard! I have been trying off and on since about 6:30 this morning to post something here and damn if I couldn't get in! Oops, I said "damn". There I said it again! Well I hope Jazzy doesn't mind alittle foul-mouthedness (it's a word because I say it's a word) while she is away. Speaking of Jazzy, I want to thank her so much for letting me guest blog and trusting me not to post dirty pictures or racial slurs, which I would never do, but...I'll just shut it up now, ok? Mmmkay.

I wish I had some witty stories to share, sadly I do not, so I will take this opportunity to complain about my driver's license picture. I went in this morning and had a picture taken for my license and don't you know it's just horrible. I am four months pregnant, so for the next four years I have to see this swollen-faced picture of myself with bad hair. Four years! Can't I just "lose" it after I have lost all of the baby weight and gotten a really cute haircut so I can come back for a new picture? Ok! I will!

I promise next time to have something of substance to say. In the meantime Em will keep you entertained...if you are reading, Jazzy:

Hi! We miss you!

~ JuJuBee

Good Morning to Jazzy's Friends

Happy Friday you guys! So I was up late doing a science project for my 3rd grader. Yes, that's right - doing it for her. I sent her to bed at 9:00. I have a college degree and struggled through this science project. It's just not right.

I'm hoping that JuJuBee is going to keep you all entertained this morning and when I fully wake up I'll come back and play again. K?

Until then enjoy your Friday!!!!!


Thursday, December 02, 2004

Preparing for

30 minutes and counting. Work is not an option right now as I am so excited about going to see my Mom and Sister in NM. I have been flying by myself since I was four, but I still get all nervous and weirded out when I fly. The issues I have had haunt me.

Here's hoping:

  • I don't have to take my shoes off at the airport.
  • My flight is on time and I'm not seated next to any of the following: Mr. Haven't taken a shower in days-stinky person or Mr./Ms. Talky Pants, a screaming or obnoxious child, or anyone that will keep me from reading the 500 pages of blogs I have printed out to catch up on.
  • I have a calm/normal visit with my Mother. The kind of visit that lacks yelling, huffiness and hurt feelings.
  • That I get to feel the babies move.
  • That my sister's cat does not make me sicker than hell.
  • That I get to see snow and that it doesn't end up down my pants
  • That my head stays warm. Not likely since I forgetted my hat.
  • That we make the trip safely from Albuquerque to Taos without my Mother scaring the crap out of me. (My mother took me out on a cliff-road to teach me how to drive in ice, fun stuff-let me tell you)

I really wish hubby was going with me, but alas, 4 tickets in 3 months is a little much for our budget right now.

Alas, don't fret, JuJuBee and Em will be here guest blogging with their wonderful sense of humors and their fun so please stop by while I am gone.

Well color me green

Stolen from Brandie:

And I hate Tequila, but that' a post for another time.

You Are Tequilla

When you drink, you're serious about getting drunk!
You'll take any shot that's offered up to you...
Even if it tastes like sock sweat!
And you're never afraid of eating the worm.

It's the little things

For some reason, my IT department felt that The Zero Boss had material that I was to be forbidden from. This has caused me much angst, but I just clicked over there and it worked! Now I can play with the big boys! Yeah!

Cool Feelings

When you ass gets so big that all your pants turn into high-waters. That's a cool feeling.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

My apologies

Well, I have always said that patience is not one of my virtues. For those of you who so wanted to guest blog, but were unable to comment due to the fact that blogger is a bitch, I apologize. The next time I leave town or just feel uncreative, you will be on my list to guest blog. Thank you for assuring me that you still love me. I will try to be more patient next time.


WARNING: Family beware. As far as I know, my sister is the only family that reads my blog, but if there are any others out there, beware this post may be hurtful. It is not meant to be as it is about me not you. Hear that? It's not about you.

WARNING#2: Long post to follow. I'm cleansing. If you are looking for light hearted, you might want to skip this post.

I have been very introspective lately. Looking into myself as I do quite a bit. I was just reading the latest post over at Purple Goddess and it added to my self inspection. (Note: I am linking to her because I enjoy her blog not because I am calling her out.)

She says, "Because really, how often does one find herself, in her early 30s, trying to figure out who she is? Didn't we all think that we had gotten that over with in high school and our early 20's? Do we ever really think we are going to have to do it AGAIN, as an adult?"

I commented something to the effect of the following:
I don't think we ever stop finding ourselves. Every year we experience changes, some small and some large. Large changes generally create a larger ripple that causes changes in our lives more rapidly, but small changes are different. Small changes build up over time and we find that we stop one day and look at ourselves and say, "When did I become this different person? When did my beliefs/actions/reactions change to certain situations." We find that we are different people all of a sudden without us even realizing it. The process of finding one's self is a continuous, never ending process as long as we continue to learn and grow and feel new things and have new experiences. All that we do and see and experience everyday changes who we are. Imagine how the Grand Canyon was created over millions of years. The water cut through rock, slowly changing the course of the Canyon. People are the same way. Our experiences cut through our rocks, our souls, our personalities and change who we are. It is the people who are rigid, who do not allow their rocks to change, that do not learn from mistakes and let new things change them, it is these people that lose the continuous finding of oneself. They lose in the end I think, because I imagine when they have no where else to go, they do the ultimate searching for themselves and don't know how to find it.

I try to continually find myself and better myself and always be honest with myself above all else. My motto in life is "Live life so you have no regrets." Not all of the experiences in my life have been good ones. I have struggled a lot of my life to find myself, but I have learned that all of those experiences have shaped the person I am today and most of the time I like that person so I value all of my experiences. Good and bad. There are times when I long for the heartbreaking ache you get in very low times, because these are the times when I know I have made the best changes in my life. These are the times when I have taken control and made a decision and learned from my mistakes and moved on and found my newest self. These aches are the etching of our rocks, without them, our canyon would not grow and change and become the beautiful thing it is today and tomorrow and the next day.

I cannot remember exactly when depression became a conscious part of my being, but it was some time early in my childhood. I was a quiet child. I was born pigeon-toed and therefore fell down a lot. Most of the time when I was walking around, I did so with my head bent to the ground so that I was less likely to trip over things. We moved a lot when I was young and I had a hard time adjusting to new people and places. I tended to blend into the background. I was a people pleaser so I tended to do what I thought everyone wanted me to do. I was a chameleon. I did not have an opinion, give me whatever opinion you would like for me to have. I was a timid child, growing up in a household where my mother yelling was akin to the roar of a lion and I would cower. I tended to cower any time any one was upset with me or criticized me whether it was constructive or not. My parents split when I was one and therefore I had two sets of parents to keep happy. I spent the majority of my childhood torn between two very different worlds. I was who each parent wanted me to be while I was with them. I had no real identity and didn't realize that it was possible. But not only was I a people pleaser, I expected other people to make me happy. This is a sure sign of a problem. I was like this until I was in my early twenties. A lot of my behavior I believe came from watching my Mother.

In junior high I had disappointments, but I usually got over them fairly quickly. I slowly learned to be myself and experiment with who I wanted to be. I did this by making friends of all different types. Friends never seemed to be able to fulfill all my expectations and I spent a good deal of time dealing with my disappointment. Because I expected more than was even reasonable (again asking that they make me happy) I was almost always disappointed.

In high school I finally was becoming my own person to some extent, but I still had unrealistic expectations of others. I also lived in fear of my step-mother and had fairly strict rules in my parents house. (parents being my Dad and Stepmom) My senior year, my depression dug in and got the better of me. I pushed all of my friends away and withdrew. I then turned around and said that my friends had abandoned me. I cried a lot, but always put on a fairly strong front so no one ever really knew what I was going through, even me sometimes.

In college I finally truly had the opportunity to decide for myself who I wanted to be. I did not have anyone in my life that had previously been there before. I was a couple hundred miles away from my parents, but by the middle of my sophomore year I had pretty much cut all ties with my parents.

I met my college best friend my freshman year and we did everything together. She was my 2nd true soul friend (the first being in high school, but I couldn't appreciate it then). We were attached at the hip. In my first senior year, (I had three), her real senior year, we had boyfriends that were also best friends. Her relationship didn't last long, mine did. She eventually got a new boyfriend, but the damage to our friendship had been done. We grew apart in the way that friends do when boyfriends come between them. When my relationship ended, she had moved on and I had no one to turn to, so again I turned inward. For some reason as much as I always saw my mother as weak, I also always viewed her as the strongest person I knew. I have always been stubborn about asking for help and I am sure I always will be to some extent. It used to fall into the too much expectation bucket. I expected people to know when I needed help. Now I am just stubborn and prideful. I am better though.

When Mel and I went our separate ways and my break up occurred, I was around 22 or 23 years old, lost again all of a sudden. I took a look at my mother and her life and all the struggles she had in her life and realized that she continued to fight the same battles over and over, never seeming to learn from her mistakes. I decided then and there that I was tired of being a victim. I was tired of expecting others to make me happy. I was ready to truly become myself, to truly love myself. My turning point I think in my depression at the time was the day I decided I was going to a movie. I didn't really have anyone to go with, so I went alone. I saw The Evening Star, probably not the best choice of a movie to see alone when you are depressed, but I made the decision and stuck to it. My reasoning was "I want to see a movie so I am going to see a movie and not having anyone to go with should not stop me from going to the movies." So I went. It was a little sad, but it was empowering. But this was only the beginning.

In my 5th year in college, life seemed to be going well. I was used to working my butt off to pay for college and used to being broke and some times irresponsible with my bills. I was stressed at the time, but this seemed to be the state of my life.

I was leaving Austin to come back to Houston for Easter when, wham, I pulled out into a semi-blind intersection and got T-boned. All hell broke loose. At the time of the accident I had a warrant for an unpaid speeding ticket. When the accident happened I flipped out and called the only close friend I had at the time and he couldn't come get me. I was standing in the middle of the road screaming and begging the woman that hit me (accident was technically my fault, failing to yield to oncoming traffic) to not call the police. I was completely irrational. Long story short, the cops agreed to let the warrant slide since they saw how freaked out I was. Neither party was hurt, but I was emotionally flipped out. My sister took me to Houston because that was the only thing that was going to appease me at that time.

A couple weeks later I got sick. It started with 103 degree fever and ended with me bedridden for almost a month. During this time I was going to the doctor almost on a daily basis, but they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and eventually I could hardly walk. I lost 20 pounds. I had to drop out of school and move out of my apartment and in with my sister. I could not drive. I had to take baths because I didn't have the strength to stand in the shower. Eventually my diagnosis was Bronchitis, sinusitus and severe depression. The first two would have not knocked me out had it not been for the latter. I was placed on antibiotics and antidepressants. I eventually recovered. During this time none of my friends visited or really even called. A close friend recently told me that she didn't realize how bad I was. I guess I didn't really tell anyone how bad it was. My Mom and sister and my parents were the only one's who knew the whole story and truly I don't think any of them really understood how depressed I was. I gave up. I didn't care any more. I am one of the most optimistic people despite my depression and I would never harm myself, but I became apathetic and I just didn't care any more.

Since that time I have battled with depression and probably do so more than I care to admit. I hate being on medication and avoid even headache medicine unless it is absolutely necessary. I will however never allow myself to become that weak and apathetic again. I will get on medication if I absolutely must. If I find that my thoughts are only negative and I cannot chase them away; if I find that I have thoughts of harming myself, even though I know I will not; if I find that I am no longer in control, then I will look to medication.

Why the cleansing? Well, lately I have been thinking about the possibility that I am borderline bi-polar. I have always thought that my Mother is bi-polar and if not bi-polar, at least borderline. During our pre-marital counseling with our priest, I made a reference to this and his response was, "Most likely you are too." A lot of members of my family have battled with depression. I hate the helpless feeling and I hate that I cannot just fix it.

Who am I now that I have been married for a year and am a part of a couple? Who am I now that I have a circle of friends, more than one actually? Who am I now that I have established myself in a career?

I am not looking for a solution just yet, I am looking for my newest self. Patience is a virtue that I am actively seeking within my own life. I am rediscovering myself.

Because I can

Well, since I am being catty and having my own little pity party because no one really wanted to guest blog on my site, I have decided to do what any smart woman would do. I am going to rely on my REAL friends to guest blog. You know, those people who really care. How is my guilt trip working? It should work, I have been guilted by the best my entire life.

So in my absence you guys better be nice to my guest bloggers. Drum roll please.


Thanks guys. I owe you one. I just might bring you back a little present from NM just cuz I'm nice like that.