Them's fightin words

Look, I can still write about stuff...

Back in my college days when I worked and played in bars all the time, I was little bit of a feisty bitch. Now I am not really a fighter at all and have calmed down in my old age, but there were times when you might beg to differ that I was not a fighter. Because I worked in bars and hung out in more bars, I knew most of the bouncers and therefore, I was a bitch because I could be. I had back up you see.

I enjoyed the look on people's faces (mostly obnoxious men) when I had had enough of whatever they were dishing and had already done my best impression of asking nicely for them to back off, when I would go get the bouncer and get them thrown out. Priceless. The I-can't-believe-she-did-this-to-me look.

Oddly enough, I have been in three pseudo "fights" in my life.

My first fight was ironically with one of the bouncers I worked with. He happened to be 6' 3" tall too. Mel and I were both off of work that night, so naturally we decided to hang out in the bar where we worked. Cheaper drinks this way. A couple of the bouncers were off as well and we had all been hanging around together. I just bought a brand new $150 George Strait felt hat. I'll wait until you are done laughing...

Yes this was back in my redneck days.

Anyways... Bill decided it would be funny to take my hat off my head. Redneck rule #1: NEVER TOUCH ANOTHER'S HAT. NEVER. Drunk Bill not only touched my hat, he took it off my head and promptly dropped it into a puddle of beer. Drunk Bill then promptly laughed his ass off. I calmly responded with the look of death and hissed through my teeth, "Touch my hat again and you will pay." Little old 5'3" me was going to make Big Tall Drunk Bill pay. It sounded good at the time.

So on with the night and then fun, until...Drunk Bill did it again. By IT, I mean that whole touching of the hat thing and dropping it in beer. I lost it. My went a little blank and I went a little crazy and well, I shoved him pretty hard. Had he been sober, he might have moved an inch, but luck was on my side and due to his inebriation, Drunk Bill went flying into the bar. Oops. Then he fell down. Oops. Then I punched and kicked him repeatedly. Oops. And when one of the other bouncers (who I happened to be dating) tried grabbing my hands behind my back to calm me down, well I shoved him too. Mel had been upstairs in the office and was coming down the stairs about half way through all this going WTF?! Bekah was in town visiting and didn't know what the heck was going on and who had possessed my normally quiet, kind body. Mel came flying down the stairs and knew enough not to touch me at that point. She carefully pinned me up against the wall and calmed me down.

And that, my friends, is my kicking ass story.