Wednesday, May 30, 2007

It's been one of these days...

One of those days that leaves you spent. Leaves you longing for the life before... before kids... before marriage, when all you had to worry about was yourself. Feeding yourself, listening to yourself, doing what you wanted, when you wanted. I just thought I knew what multi-tasking was back then. Now multi-tasking has a whole new meaning. Like a circus freak of multi-tasking, I take on too much and let the side show take over.

When I am like this, Boo Bear feeds off it and then I feed off of her. She is almost a year and a half and still isn't talking much which leaves her major form of communication whining. I hate whining. She is also really beginning to test boundaries, although she has really been doing this since she could crawl and reach for things.

I am tired of saying no and no and no and don't and no and no again. I am tired of having to take things away and pull her down from places and I am tired of the screaming and the crying and the whining and rinse repeat all over again. I am tired of having to try and juggle working from home and keeping her occupied and moving her focus every 2 minutes while answering the phone and trying to cook dinner and keep a clean house and find time for work and faith and my husband and not to mention myself. Time for myself? What's that?

I wish I had more patience with my daughter because I know that the less patience I have, the more I yell and the more she screams and I hate being like this. My husband is so patient and good with her and she minds him completely different than she does me and I know that I am a large reason for this and I want to change, but not sure how to even begin other than praying, which I guess is a start.

Tell me I'm not the only one. Please!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

ah, ah, ahhhhh CHOO!!!

It's been one of those weeks. Those letters strung together in the title sum it up. I have been recovering from a sinus infection, Boo Bear has had an ear infection, followed closely by a cold. And to put the cherry on the proverbial sundae of life, I have had two trips to the allergist this week to determine if I am, in fact, allergic to shellfish.

Monday at the allergist they tested me for environmentally allergies. If you have never had allergy testing, I don't recommend it. The test involves the undressing of the upper portion of your body. You lay down on the table and a nurse comes in with a tray full of little needles that have been marinating in allergens. She then proceeds to stab you in the back 50 or so times, give or take 5 or 6. Then you lay there for twenty minutes to see what kind of reaction you have. I immediatly started itching and when they checked me about halfway through the twenty minute time period, the nurse called out in the hall, "There are too many for me to memorize." Fabulous.

Wednesday I went back and not only did they retest me for everything that I was negative for on Monday, 46 or so, they tested me for the food allergies. Another 50 or so pokes. This time the retest for the environmental allergies wasn't quite as non-intrusive. This time, they stick that little marinated needle under your skin and scratch. Fun stuff. Like 50 little bitty shots. In your back. Once again, I reacted almost immediately and the nurse actually had to put Hydrocortisone cream on me midway, some of my spots were so bad. She comes back into check me at the end and is marking down on a scale how bad my reactions are. We had a couple, of negatives, not many though. We had a couple of, "As big as they can get," and a couple of "Not so bads." At one point the nurse said, "Well, at least you aren't allergic to chocolate." I responded, "I would rather have shellfish than chocolate." She thought I was crazy as I am sure many of you will. My family is big on seafood. Every celebration, birthday's, graduations, etc are always at a seafood restaurant. I have been eating shellfish my entire life. But no more. I am officially allergic to shrimp, lobster and crab. I didn't react to oysters or scallops or clams, but the doc warned me to be careful and the thought of having to stab myself in the leg with an Epi-Pen, well, it just isn't worth it.

When the nurse came in and handed me the list of all the things they tested me for with the things I am allergic to checked, I just sat there and laughed. It's all I could do. I am a walking allergy. Take a look. Behold the list of things I am allergic to:

Click it to big it.

Pretty funny isn't it? It's amazing that I don't get sick more often. He wants to put me on some daily meds as well as allergy shots. I am not sure what I want to do. I don't generally like taking medication on an ongoing basis and I certainly am not wild about shots. Anyone have any experience in this domain. Any alternative treatments you might recommend?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Dear Internet

It's been way too long since my last confession, I mean post. Life has been a little hectic, but isn't that always the case.
The past two weeks have been a roller coaster ride of mass proportions. The kind of ride that leaves you feeling spent and not quite sure you enjoyed it at all. The week before Mother's Day I got a call on Wednesday that my grandmother had fallen again. She was okay, didn't break anything, thanks to God, but her mental state was not good. She is still in a lot of pain from her hip replacement in October and the move to NM was hard on her. My sister said she was telling people good-bye, so Boo Bear and I hopped on a plane that day and went to see her. My grandmother has always been a major influence in my life, whether I realized it or not. As a child, I would visit her and my grandfather at their lake house in Austin. I loved that house. I felt safe and comfortable in that house. We would swim in the lake and go out on the boat and jump of the docks and fish. Grandpa and I would go dig in the garden for worms and then head down the 100 steps to the dock. I would bait my hook and drop it in the water and when I caught the fish, grandpa would take it off the hook for me. I didn't like touching the fish, so grandpa always had to do that part, but I could bait that hook!

As I got older, I would take trips with them to Ghost Ranch. This was the closest I ever got to going to sleep away camp. I had my first major crush here. He was the son of the owners and everyone knew him. His name was Josh and boy was he cute. The two or three summers I went with my grandparents and once or twice with my Mom, were some of the best summer memories I have. I got hit in the nose with a soft ball here. I discovered pizza with pineapple on it here. I drank my first beer here. Good times.

Grandpa passed away my senior year in high school and I still cry every time I think about him. I learned to eat my eggs with ketchup from my grandpa and of course how to bait a hook. I miss him terribly still and I wish he could have met his great grandkids. The would have loved him.

If it wasn't for Grandma, I probably would have never finished college. At times I worked 3 jobs and went to school full time. I lived with Grandma a couple of times throughout my 6 year tenure at UT and didn't visit nearly enough when I wasn't living there. But it was the monthly allowance she started giving me so that I didn't have to work so much that saved me. When she fell in October, I went to care for her for a week. This was very difficult for me, seeing her bedridden. Harder still was moving her to NM, packing up her house and closing the doors for the last time. Hubby and I were the last people to in our family to be in that house and I cried and cried as we left. Never again to be in that house with my grandparents was very hard.

Seeing her last week was hard. She doesn't want to live anymore, but she is healthy as a horse so it looks like she is going to stick around for awhile longer, God willing. It was very hard to say good-bye not knowing if it would be the last time I saw her, but I'm so thankful that I was able to go when I did and at least know that if she goes soon, I saw her one last time.

We got back home at 9:30 PM on Mother's Day, not exactly a stellar day. Boo Bear did great on the flights and I am so glad that I had understanding people next to me both trips. We both came home sick, her with an ear infection and me with a sinus infection. So throw in trips to two doctors, a bad reaction to the medicine they gave me, on top of catching up at work and last week was a bundle of fun. Definitely the part of the roller coaster where your stomach drops.

Other updates in the form of one long run on sentence basically.

Boo Bear turned 16 months last week. My baby really isn't a baby anymore, but a little girl. This week her Nana B is here visiting so once again, we are busy with family, which is wonderful. Hubby I think has finally found a reliable manager which means that he actually gets two days off a week, one of which we actually get to spend together as a family.

With that long post, I will leave you with this.

A Girl and Her Gorilla. Yes, that is an eyeball in the background.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The End

No, not of me or this blog, although with my lack of posting you might think so. And fairly enough. I am currently watching the Series finale of Gilmore Girls. Bummer, deep down, sad bummer.

Much has been going on, very busy with life. Will post something real soon. When I stop blowing my nose to death.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Things I never thought I would do...

In my early twenties I was cool. Or at least I thought I was. I thought I would never give up the all nighters. I would never ease up on my lead foot, I would never do this or that or the other...

There are always things we think we will never do.

Things like...

I never thought I would like watching the Food Network, until I became a Mom and started cooking every night. Okay, almost every night.
Speaking of...I never thought I would cook dinner every night.
I never thought my husband would call me a good cook. (Or anyone call me a good cook for that matter.)
I never thought I would ever think a child leash would be a good idea, until I had a baby who never stops moving and refuses to hold my hand.
I never thought I would use a pacifier, until I had a sucker of a baby.
I never thought that playing with my daughter would be better than a night on the town.
I never thought that I would drive below the speed limit, just to be safe. (Okay, maybe not below the speed limit, but at the speed limit is pretty good. )
I never thought that being able to go grocery shopping by myself would be considered a break from the grind.
I never thought that a gir's night out might be more trouble than just staying home with my family.
I never thought that I would share my thoughts, ideas and everything else with the world.

What did you never think you would do when you were young?

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

ModMommy Giveaways

ModMom is sharing the linky love with all the blogger moms out there for mother's day as well as giving away some fun stuff. So if you want to take part, check out her site for more information. If you want linky love you will need to create a banner or button that represents your blog and send it to her with the link to your blog. Let me know if you need help with that part. I am no design diva, but I dabble. And take part in all her giveaways, there's some neat stuff.