My poor husband has got to be about sick of asking what's for dinner and hearing, "whatever you can find." I have mastered the art of the YOYOTM dinner. That's short for, Your Own Your Own. Right now I am sick of eating. I am starving all the time, yet nothing sounds good, nothing looks good, nothing tastes good, nothing sits good. And yet, I am forced to eat constantly. I am sick of eating or dealing with food. I do better if I don't have to be the one to fix the food. Seeing as I have to fix food for another human being at least 6 times a day, that makes fixing a meal at the end of the day almost impossible. Boo Bear likes that to eat that child. But not always what I fix her the first time, or the second for that matter. So by the time hubby gets home at 8 or so, he's on his own usually.
I have been trying to buy already made casseroles or stuffed chicken or something from the meat market or the freezer isle, but even when I cook that stuff, I sit down to eat and end up pushing it away. Needless to say, we have been throwing away way more food than we should and I feel so guilty every time I fill the trash can with completely edible food. Hubby forgets to take stuff for lunch and I'm lucky if I can eat something once much less twice.
Lately I have been buying more junk food than I can remember buying since college or at least since I was a single person who always ate on the go. We don't normally have snack type food in our house. Hubby constantly complains that there is nothing to snack on, at least nothing worth snacking on. Lately the pantry has seen the likes of chips, and not just one kind, but up to three or four different kinds. And things like pudding. I didn't even grow up eating pudding. And the fridge has seen things like ranch dip in a jar and cookie dough and the like. I know, crazzzzyyy, but for us it is.
Funny thing is, I crave fruit the most, but find it hard to get good fruit in all the different types. for example, today I tried to buy fruit. Lots of it. I tried to find pineapple because I had some in a fruit salad this week and now I WANT MORE! No dice. Slim pickin's. I tried to buy grapes. I could only find the purple, with seed variety. No dice with a toddler and me for that matter. I tried to buy peaches. They looked awful. I bought oranges last week and they were nasty. I bought some pears, which having already sampled are hard as rocks, some bananas, but the girl has a hold on all those and one grapefuit, because it looked good at the time. I limited myself to one because who knows if 1) it will be any good and 2) if I will want one tomorrow.
A sampling of the other things I bought today: (Poor hubby) I have * the things we do not normally eat in this house.
- Lean Pockets*
- cookie dough* (on occassion I will buy this. Hubby eats it generally in about two sittings)
- Lime Tortilla Chips
- 2 packs of bagels* (This is the one thing I have been able to consistently eat lately. Must because I love cream cheese.)
- Chicken Salad* (this is another one of those things I have all of a sudden gotten a taste/craving for; that and the thought of lunch meat makes me want to hurl, but you run out of things to feed a toddler for lunch when you don't have any leftovers)
- eggs (I am having trouble getting protein so I have taken to hard boiled eggs)
- Chewy granola bars*
- Refried Beans*
- Steak Quesadilla Rolls*
- Egg Rolls*
Sound like nutrition central to me, don't you agree?
Amazingly at my check up last week, I haven't gained a pound. Now don't shoot me... I wish I could eat. I so long for food to taste good, look good, smell good. Anything. But, alas, I get up each morning and force myself to eat something, anything. And then wait to see if I will cough it up. It's a joy really. There is nothing quite like puking your guts out while your 20 months old "pats" you on the back. And by "pats" I mean, trying to pound out what I ate yesterday.
She's a doll really. I'll use that as a segway. The girl will be 20 months this Saturday. My how the time flies when you are... chasing a toddler. She runs everywhere, in that stinted sort of way that makes you cringe thinking they are going to bite the dust at any moment. She never stops unless she is watching "Melmo" or this, which she will watch over and over and over and over, until my ears start to bleed and I wake up in the morning singing these songs.
(right now she is in her crib babbling, "miinnne" over and over. As far as I know, she doesn't know that word. We don't use it in this house, but I imagine some of those children in the church toddler room know it and love it.)
She loves bubbles and eating and playing on the couch. She loves "outsiiiiie" more than life itself and unfortunately for her, being outside makes mommy sick. See we live in the armpit of HOT, south Texas where it may only be 86 degrees (my foot), but with 97% humidity, it always feels like your face is going to fall off. In my current condition, any additional reason for me to be uncomfortable is something I try to avoid. But the girl, she wants to be "outsiiiiiiieeee" right now. She has started to be able to open doors in the last day or two and can now open the door to the laundry room which leads to the back door which is the door we use 99% of the time. She can't unlock and open that one (yet!!!!!), but it gets her close enough to the door to drive me crazy with the "outsiiiiiiiiieeeeeee."
Tangent.... I'm not a girly girl by any stretch of the imagination, but I hate being outside, unless it is a)spring or b)fall, both of which make up about a whopping 3 whole weeks here in south Texas. So needless to say, I hate being outside. It's hot, it's sticky, there are bugs out there and spiders and snakes and such. We have wasps and bees all over the place and I don't like things that bite or sting. Aside from the obvious that bites and stings hurt and such, I am also allergic to the entire world. I swell up like hives at the slightest bite by an ant or a mosquito and in case you haven't heard, mosquitos like it down here in Texas. Might have something to do with all that darn water in the air. I've been stung once in my life by a yellow jacket and my ankle swelled up 3 times it's normal size, so needless to say, I try to avoid this situation. Then we have spiders and to me a spider is a spider, I'm not getting close enough to figure out if you can kill me or not. I'm also allergic to mold, grass, pollen, trees, the air, anything that moves, etc. So galavanting through the grass as Boo Bear loves to do, is not as pleasant for me as it is for her.
I try to suffer a little each day to take the girl outside. Somedays that means a trip to the mail box and across the street to see the neighbors dog. Other days it includes a walk to the end of the block and back. Some days she really gets a treat and we spend a whole hour out there. But the real treat is when daddy is home. She associated daddy with outside because he always takes her outside. When daddy is home, the minute she sees him, she wants her "shoooooooooooouse" and then she runs for the door. It doesn't matter is he just got her out of her crib in the morning, she will point to her shoes and demand that she get them on. That girl is a shoe maven. She loves them shoes. She even wants me to wear shoes all the time, although I suspect it has more to do with going outside than it does her really wanting me to wear shoes. She will pick up my shoes and find me and plop them down in front of me with a look on her face that clearly says, "Shoes. Put them on. Now." She does try to cram them on my feet for me, but now has learned it's easier to just give me the look. I've tried explaining to her that Mommy hates wearing shoes about as much as she hates going outside, but she ain't buying it.
Well this turned into a longer post than I meant for it to, but hey, at least I updated and told you something besides, blah, blah, blah, or maybe this is just more blah, blah, blah. Well, blah, so there.