A Lesson in Driving

It seems that some of the public has forgotten those long ago, or not so long ago, lessons in driver's education. I am taking it upon myself to re-educate, ahem, the general public on lessons in driving.

I. The Benefits of Blinkers
II. How To Merge
III. Reading Speed Limit Signs
IV. Proper Turning Etiquette/Proper Blinker Usage

(Do you sense a pattern here?)

I. The Benefits of Blinkers
Using blinkers while driving is the only reasonable way to communicate your direction changes. I am not a mind reader although I play one on TV. I can sometimes guess what you are trying to do by your head movements, but it would really make life so much easier if you would just flip that little switch and give me some direction. Then I can stay the hell away from your backside and resist the urge to introduce my radiator to your bumper.

II. How To Merge
Merging is definitely at the high end of the difficulty spectrum when it comes to driving. The majority of the time the highway department has had the foresight to give you some visual clues that merging is up ahead. Occasionally the highway department will over estimate one's skills to merge and put signage a little too close to the actual merge location. In the instance when you have plenty of notice (this does require you to have your eyes open while driving and that you be paying attention to said directional signage), turn your blinker on in the appropriate direction, check all of your mirrors, not just the one closest to you, and adjust your speed accordingly so that those around you do not need to rearrange their speed to accommodate you. This does not mean speeding up and slowing down in a manner that does not allow for one you are merging with to predict your actions. Merging should be done in a smooth manner and should not make the cars around you have to swerve or slam on their brakes.

When merging onto a freeway, there is not instance in which you should come to a complete stop. Most likely the speed limit on the highway is at least 55, in which case getting up to said speed from a complete stop will definitely affect drivers around you. Again speed up or slow down when merging onto the freeway in a manner that does not rearrange the lives of those around you.

III. Reading Speed Limit Signs
Once again, the highway department, with many motives, has provided you with signs that will help you in your drive. Speed limit signs can vary, but tend to be white with black letters. While driving on any road, you should always be on the look out for speed limit signs. This will not only keep you from getting a ticket, but will keep you from annoying those around you. If there is just one sign, then please go at least that number and 5 over would be even better. If there is a sign that lists a minimum and maximum speed limit, the maximum is preferred and again, 5 over this number is ideal. If there is more than one lane and you are obviously going slower than those around you, the right lane is the appropriate lane to be in. YOU ARE NOT THE LAW. If the person behind you wants to go faster and you can get it another lane, DO. IT. Save us all some sanity. You were not placed on this earth to make me go the speed limit. Get out of my way.

IV. Proper Turning Etiquette/Proper Blinker Usage
Here we will revisit bullet number I. where we learned the benefits of blinkers. When and where to use your blinker can be confusing, but I will give you some pointers to make it more clear. When turning in either direction or changing lanes in either direction, turning your blinker on at least 30 seconds or 100 feet before your turning/changing lane location is ideal. Turning your blinker on as you turn does you and me no good. You might as well not waste the energy, yours or mine. You do NOT have to come to a complete stop in order to turn or change lanes. Slamming on your brakes at the last second to turn is not recommended and doing any of the above without using your blinker is at no time acceptable driving etiquette.

There are a lot of ways to turn on your blinker. My personal preference is to keep my left hand on the steering wheel and just drop a couple of fingers down to flick the blinker switch up or down. That's the lazy method. You can pull your entire hand off the steering wheel and push down or up the blinker switch as well. I do not recommend this method if you are the type of person that needs to have your hands on the wheel at all times to remember that in fact you are the one driving the vehicle. Then you have your forceful blinker changers. That means taking your hand off the wheel and actually swatting at the blinker.

Once you have used your blinker and made the appropriate lane change/turn, it is necessary sometimes to turn off your blinker. If you leave your blinker on indefinitely, it forces me to have to think and we all know how much I love to do that. Leaving your blinker on for over 15 minutes should be cause for ticketing because you have most likely adversely affected over 50 drivers by this action unless of course it is 3:00 AM and no one else is around. Again, I cannot read your mind, so seeing a blinker, makes me believe that you do in fact want to change lanes or turn. This is especially annoying/important when you happen to be driving, say a dump truck or 18 wheeler. I am no idiot and know that you are bigger and therefore that you win the merge race. I am therefore forced to yield to your huge monstrosity of a vehicle so when you drive with your blinker on indefinitely it forces me into a very uncomfortable holding pattern.

Other good driving tips.
-Watch the road. This should be obvious, but some of you seem to need a reminder.
-Pay attention to those around you. You are not the only one on the road, nor do you own it.
-Crawling up my ass with your big wheel is not going to get me to go faster, but it will piss me off.
-Proper acceleration is a must. That big wheel you got I know comes with a V8 engine so there is not reason to get off the starting block at the light going 5 miles an hour for the length of a mile. Floor that sucker.
-Get an ear piece for that cell phone and use it. If you can't drive on the road and talk on the phone, got off one of them.
-While sitting in traffic, please try and remember that you are not the only one who would like to get home today.
-The shoulders of the road are not roadways and are not meant to be driven on at mach speed.
-Just because you have a truck or 4x4 doesn't mean the median is a roadway either.

Thank you for your kind attention. This has been a message from your friendly neighborhood driving maven.

Random Question Day

What are you waiting for?

Gummi gummi

Mama needs gummi bears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wanna read my back

With all the preggo acne I am being blessed with, Hubby decided the other night that, "your back says 'I love you' in Braille." I shot back with, "More like the first 5 books of the Bible."

Behold the Belly

All those little dots you see on my shoulder. Preggo Acne. Fun!

Give it to me... One more time

I read a lot of blogs. At least I try to, not as many as I would like though. I just can't seem to get around to my entire blogroll very often. I have seen a lot of posts about unsolicited advice and such. I can be a giver of unsolicited advice. I can't help it. I'm that way in real life too and don't always know when to just shut my trap and listen, not solve. But I love people and I hate seeing anyone in pain or hurt or even inconvenienced really and so I try to help. It's what I do. I am a helper.

I would like to think that most bloggers, except for that group of bloggers that likes to just leave nasty comments or doesn't think at all when the comment, most bloggers I think are genuinely good people and are just trying to help. Bloggers as a whole are also a very self-promoting group, isn't that partially why we blog? So I suppose, if I know something that might help you solve a problem or situation in your life, I would want to tell you about it, because hey, not only do I help you, but I look like I know something other than just how to type words on a page.

I read a lot of blogs that deal with family, Mommy/Daddy Blogs if you must put a label on them. Probably 99% of my blogroll are family life blogs. Even before I got pregnant, I read family blogs. I like family. I like kids. I always saw myself with kids and I personally am intrigued by families and how they interact and how especially parents raise their kids. In general I have a very jaded idea of kids these days. Mostly on the day to day dealings with them in stores and in public and of course what you see in the news. I know that this is not a good cross-segment of what is out there, but I still find myself making judgements about "kids these days." Well, since I started blogging, and reading family blogs, this view is at least balanced out. I am pretty sure that anyone who treated their children badly wouldn't post it on the internet for all to read, but in reading family blogs, I have found that the majority of bloggers have something to teach me about raising children. I admire the parenting skills I see on the blogs I read. I take notes and hope to remember some of the wonderful things I have learned for when I have children. Perhaps this leans more towards the level of people that can afford computers and interent access and that those facts directly correlate to their parenting skills. I don't know.

Boy have I gotten off track.

This post was really going to be all about you, my readers, giving me advice. I'm asking for it... so give it to me. Specifically, I would like your parenting advice. What is the best piece of advice when it comes to parenting you have received? Pass it on. If you feel need to give me other pieces of advice, bring it on. I like to think that I am a pretty self analytical person and that I take constructive criticism to heart. If you aren't honest with yourself, then your life really isn't worth living. I try to live by that. So if my writing sucks, tell me. If I say stupid things, tell me. Please remember though that you can never truly know a person by their blog. Don't judge the blogger by the blog skin.

Idiosyncrasies

The lastest meme seems to be about listing 5 idiosyncrasies you have. I thought I would play along because I am 1) lazy and 2) happen to actually enjoy memes for some reason.

1. I am a paradoxical clean freak. Most of the time I am a horrible housekeeper and a horrible slob. But when I do clean, I clean frantically and completely. And when it is clean, I am a perfectionist about it. I will clean up repeatedly the smallest little things, like wiping the counter obsessively or taking the trash out as soon as it nears fullness. Good thing I don't clean very oftern.

2. I am a compulsive popper. Zits that is. I come from a long line of poppers. My mom is a Queen Popper of the "will-you-look-at-this-thing-on my back" popper. I can't help it. And right now with the pregnancy acne, I look like a land mine.

3. I've talked about this one before. When listening to music, I don't really hear the words. Usually a chorus will stick with me, but even if I know the words, I don't really process the words. I don't really pay attention to what is being said. I usually like a song or artist because of the beat of the song or the person's voice. When I was in dance and taught , I always pointed out beats in the song rather than counting out 8 counts.

4. Along the same lines of the above, I don't process words well if I can't see a person's lips. It's almost like I can't hear unless I can see the person's lips. But strangely enough if I can't see the lips, such as listening to the radio, if I can close my eyes and concentrate, I can process and "hear" better.

5. Chocoholic... sort of. I love chocolate of all kinds. But, I don't like chocolate flavored things. Chocolate cake, ice cream, powdered drink mixes, milk, etc. Just don't like it. Funny thing is, now that I'm pregnant, I can't get enough of chocolate flavored stuff. I am also like this with peach. I love peaches, but hate, loathe, peach flavored things.

So those are just a glance into my weird little quirks. I have lots, but I had a hard time remembering these.

Weekend Update with Shooter

So, you wanna hear about my weekend? Okay, because you asked so nicely.

Saturday was a busy day for me and I think I am still recovering. I'm still getting used to not being able to go as much as I used to. My Saturday started with the bright idea that I would treat myself to Starbucks, especially because I had a $10 gift card. Why not, right? Being the indecisive pregnant person that I am, I finally decided to try the Green Tea Frappacino. Bad mistake. This drink, tastes. like. a$$. Green A$$. Perhaps my pregnant synapses were not connecting well and say the green and assumed that somewhere in there might be the taste of mint. Logically speaking one would not make this connection, but alas, I'm and not logical at this point.

I drove the hour into Houston to meet my parents and my cousin and his wife who were in town from... well technically there are on their way from New York, moving to Pasedena, CA. It was good to catch up with them. I don't get to see them very often on the account that they live on one coast or the other and always have a one bedroom apartment which makes visiting on a "budget" difficult unless one wants to sleep in a broom closet. This cousin of mine is the one closest to me in age, but that is where the similarities end. First of all he is a boy. Secondly, he is a genius while me, not so much smart as smart a$$ (that's three a$$' in one post, it's now officially the word of Monday). He made like an almost perfect score on his SAT's. Went to Yale, then on to NYU for law school. Now he and his lawyer wife are moving to California to work in Attorney General's offices. Smarties. This guy has been debating since he could talk and rattle of stats from the stock market to baseball better than anyone I have ever met. Ridiculous really.

From there, my step-mom, MIL and myself went on the marathon of marathon's of baby registry. Let me just say that wedding registry - so much more fun. Don't get me wrong, it was fun picking things out, but I swear it took us over an hour to get out of the feeding area. I couldn't even begin to decide what type of bottles, what type of nipples, what type of milk storage, and on and on. We were there for 5 hours.

From there I went to the last of the "girlfriend's" 30th birthdays! We are officially all 30 now! Margaritas and Fajitas. No ritas for me though. This particular girlfriends lives as far as possible from me so my drive home was an hour and a half. For some of you, that's all the way across your state, for me, that's one city.

Anyways... now that I have completely bored you with the weekend update, try to have a happy Monday.

Dearest Baby

Dear Jazzy Baby,

We went and had the ultra-Ultrasound today and you performed brilliantly. We got to see you yawn and wiggle and wave at the camera and cover your ears trying to make that awful sound go away. The days when I get to "see" you make me so happy. I can smile all day long. These are the days that I know everything is okay. Not only because the doctor tells me everything looks good, but because I get to see you with my own eyes.

We do not want to find out what you are going to be, boy or girl, because both your father and I want it to be a surprise. A part of me did want to know today, but I am glad that we are going to wait. Most of us think you are a boy, I can't really tell you why. Your Aunt thinks you are a girl. I guess we will just wait and see. I hope you will forgive me and your father for always calling you a "he" if you do in fact turn out to be a girl.

I had a dream last night that you head poked out of my belly and then all of a sudden I was holding you. It was a little scary because in my dream I was only 5 months along, just like I am really. But I was so happy to hold you and see you in my arms. I cannot wait until I actually do get to hold you. But let's go ahead and wait another 5 months, mkay? Thanks.

We also toured the birthing center and it really looks nice. I think you will like it. You get to stay in the room with me and Daddy and we are very happy for that. The room is very good size and has a TV, DVD, VCR and CD Player as well as a refrigerator. They also have a full supply of popsicles, for free. That makes Mommy very happy. They have nice hydrotheraphy rooms where we can labor if we choose. Please don't give mommy too much back labor, mkay? We have enough back problems as it is.

I am very excited and can't wait to be able to feel you move in my belly. I'm not worried, yet, but if you could, just give me a good kick for my own sanity and I will be happy. Daddy talks to you every day and sometimes I have to tell him to lower his voice. He likes to yell at you to make sure that you are moving around and then he sticks his ear against my belly to listen to you slosh. He says he can hear you in there. Lucky him.

Almost 19 weeks now. Almost halfway there. I will try and do better at eating good foods and maybe getting some exercise. You just keep doing your job and I will do mine and we will meet soon. I love you.

Love,

Mommy

Pregnancy Torture

I forgot the best part of my little appointment today. I have to drink 36 oz. of fluid an hour before I go in. And I can't go pee until after the Ultrasound. Torture I tell you. It's currently 30 minutes before my appointment. And. I have to pee!

Friday Sunshine

Happy Friday Everyone! I'm off shortly for an Ultra-Ultrasound. Hopefully more getting to watch Jazzy Baby do acrobatics in my belly. But in the meantime, I leave you with these words of wisdom.

Condensed from "LIFE'S LITTLE INSTRUCTION BOOK, VOL. 2"H. JACKSON BROWN, Jr,(A footnote indicates the book was copyrighted in 1983)

Never laugh at anyone's dreams
Believe in love at first sight.

Trust in God, But Lock Your Car
Remember that no time spent with your children is ever wasted.

When traveling, take two big safety pins so you can pin the motel drapes shut.
Accept a breath mint if someone offers you one.

Keep the porch light on until all the family is in for the night.
Rehearse a joke before telling it.

Always try the house dressing.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

Once in a while invite the person in line behind you to go ahead of you.
Send your mother-in-law flowers on your spouse's birthday.

Buy ladders, extension cords and garden hoses longer than you think you'll need.
Never be the first to break a family tradition.

Steer clear of any place with a "Ladies Welcome" sign in the window.
Don't stop a parade to pick up a dime.

Ask anyone giving directions to repeat them at least twice.
Don't wash a car, mow a yard, or select a Christmas tree after dark.

Hold your child’s hand every chance you get. The time will come when he or she won't let you.
Own a hammock.

Never be photographed holding a cocktail glass.
Give people more than they expect, and do it cheerfully.

Someone will always be looking at you as an example of how to behave. Don’t let him down.
Do your homework and know your facts, but remember it's passion that persuades.

Be as friendly to the janitor as you are to the chairman of the board.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and say, "Why do you want to know?"

Overestimate travel time by 15 percent.
Don't be so concerned with your rights that you forget your manners.

Never wear a white bathing suit.
Don't dismiss a good idea simply because you don't like the source.

When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
Put the strap around your neck before looking through binoculars.

Never say anything uncomplimentary about your wife or children in the presence of others.
No matter how old you get, hug and kiss your mother whenever you greet her.

Brush your teeth before putting on your tie.
Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

Phone home if you're going to be more than 20 minutes late.
Remember that everyone is influenced by kindness.

Overpay good baby sitters.
If you're away from home and hear church bells, think of three people who love you.

Leave a quarter where a child can find it.
When it comes to worrying or painting a picture, know when to stop.

Avoid using the word impacted unless you're describing wisdom teeth.
Never order chicken fried steak in a place that doesn't have a jukebox.

Go on blind dates. That's how I met your mother.
Call your dad.

Happy Friday. Spread some sunshine.

Nothing at all Really

It's 4:20 on a Thursday and my brain has reached capacity. Odd since I did very little of anything today, but shhh... don't tell anyone.

So I decided that I would write on this here blog something life changing for all of us. Do tell...

So I give you options to cursing should you be so inclined:
flubmonkey
lugcuket
foofighter
gobstopper
shutola
shooshums (good for Shut Up, not exactly cursing, but not so nice)
gibblegog
poo pie (don't bother me...)

In other news, if you haven't heard, The G family had Genuine Baby IV yesterday. Congrats to them!

What else could I possibly ramble about. How about trying to find a Grinch Costume that won't frighten small children. For those of you with small children, what are your thoughts on this costume?



Personally, it scares me a little bit. My choices are pretty much this costume or to have one made. Pretty frightening, huh?

Thankful

For lack of better/other things to say, here is what I am thankful for this week:

• The shuttle is home safe and sound.
• I am safe and sound and so is my family this week.
• New baby's. Go see Genuine's hour by hour account of the birth of Genuine Baby IV.
• My job. I may not always like it, but I'm sure glad I have one.
• Food on the table and milk in the fridge.
• A car that still runs. ***please don't jinx it***
• My girlfriends.
• Humpday!

The Week in Numbers

It has been a week... We'll just leave it at that. Lots going on, some beyond trying to explain, so here's a little glimpse, by the numbers.

2 deaths
1 funeral
1 trip across Texas
1 cold
4 sleepless nights
1.5 books read
1.5 days worked
1 day til the weekend
1 very jealous me for not attending blogher
1 slightly broken car 1 broken car without a new inspection
1 guestroom nowhere near clean to be turned into nursery

But, alas, 2 of the cutest little one's in the world, My Nephews: