Spam Search

First with the Spam samples (why does that sound dirty?) Just a few of the subject lines from my Spam Filter today.

Penis Pills: Vimax Penis Enlargement Pills (Um, I hate to break this to you, but, I don't have a penis. Maybe that's why you want to make it larger?)

Get a 500 Cash Advance in just 60 seconds (If I knew it was that easy, I would have been rich by now)

Get a 1500 Cash Advance in just 60 seconds (I'm so popular, they want to give me more money)

Got ink? jaiqmvp (Um, yeah, I got ink. Do I get a cookie? I don't, however, have jaiqmvp)

Play Poker like a Superstar (How exactly does a Superstar play poker. Is that like, "Be Ben Affleck"?)

Smart Spin handles all your small storage (What about my big storage?)


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And a sampling of my search strings: Crazies in the House

"me topless" Okay, I can kind of understand "you topless" but "me topless" what is one trying to find here? Self exploration taken to a new level.

"on the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. one day, the two were" I kid you not.

"dating single shooters" Okay, maybe this makes sense.

"super nanny topless sexy" Okay, if you say so.

One Stall of Separation

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

ONE STALL OF SEPARATION RULE

There is a a major bathroom rule that I'm afraid, a lot of the population has not learned. This rule is the One Stall of Separation rule. You see, if there are more than 5 stalls in any given bathroom and the bathroom is not full, it is not necessary to take the stall right next to the only occupied stall. Now, I am a creature of habit, and I like to do my business on the same toilet every time (at work, for example), but I will change my potty routine if necessary so as to maintain the One Stall of Separation rule.

Please share this with your colleagues and friends. This is serious misconduct that must be rectified.

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Your post by numbers for today is:

Number of days worked this week: 5
Number of days it feels like I worked this week: 258,258,465,846
Hours I have to work today, Friday, the official end of the week: 13
Number of weekend days I get: 0
Number of days working for hubby: 2 (Saturday and Sunday)
Number of Bitches in our household: 1 (that's ME for you slow people)
Number of days out this week: 2
Number of hours of sleep I want: 453,125,875,478
Number of cars broken down this week: 1
Cost to fix said car: $1500
Number of happy mechanics: 1

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In other news, JuJuBee had her baby. This world is now blessed with Madeline Grace, born April 26th, 2005. Go on over and tell them hello!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!!!!!

Prayers Please

Please stop by over at Becky's Place and continue the prayers and white light.

Genuine Original

This is a fly by post, but I just wanted to say, that I genuinely appreciated The Genuine Original guest posting this weekend and writing such a fine post at that. Thanks G Man!

Oops!

Well it seems that we have another great couple trying to bring offspring into the world. I have no idea after reading my blog and some of the other Mommy/Daddy blogs one would choose to do this on purpose, but I wish her the best of luck.

I can still remember my first time. No, not that first time and yes I still remember that too but I told Jazzy I would keep this clean, although I will do requests.

The day I was told I would be a Daddy the first time still stands out in my mind. I had long given up on the fact that I would be a father. I was married for 7 years and tried to have children without any luck. I was sure that God put me up against the requirements of being a dad and decided that I was not the material that needed to be raising a child.

It had never entered into my mind when my wife sat on the stairs and teary eyed looked at me and tried to explain the situation. You see we were not married at the time. Not that it really mattered that we were married, but my heart exploded that day. Like the Grinch when his heart grew, so did mine.

I hope that Jazzy and hubby are blessed to have that feeling. Of course I won’t tell her the feelings I have the first time my child pooped on me, but that’s for another post. Good Luck Jazzy, and like I have always said, you are welcome to come over to my house I have plenty of that……..

WATER!

Genuine

13

For all of you supersititous people, the title for this post is not meant to scare you. For me the number 13 is a great number. You see, I was born on Friday the 13th, 1974 during a partial lunar eclipse.

I'll wait while you make your crass remarks about how that explains so much...

Done?

Good. Now I thought we would take my lucky #13 and play a little blog game with it. Pick 3 people on my blogroll and visit their 100 Things list if they have one. In the comments, tell me who you visited and what #13 on their 100 Things list was. If that person does not have a 100 Things list, well, tell me #13 on your list. If you don't have one, make one up.

Now, let's play Lucky #13!

Posting by numbers and randomness

Number of people in our household: 2
Number of days of dishes washed last night: 2
Number of minutes it took: 45
Number of wine glasses washed: 10
Number of bottles of wine drank this week: 8
Number of beers drank last night: 4
Number of times I hit snooze this morning: 5
Number of times I will think about a nap today: infinite
Number of sunburned hubby's: 1
Number of pairs of pants that currently fit my big, fat ass: 1
Number of emails in my inbox: 1539 (no lie)
Number of meetings today: 1 (Thankfully)
Number of blogs I hope to read today: 25 (at least)


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In regards to my post about baby making, I wanted to clarify. I don't mind if my friends ask about our "journey" to parenthood, it's the strangers that freaks me out. Not total strangers, but the lady in the employee cafeteria or the guy from engineering asking me when I am going to have a baby just freaks me out a little bit.

A friend of ours, who is quite a bit older than us, and is sort of a father type figure to me, asked last night when we were going to have kids and if we were working on it. It was like telling my dad, "Yeah, we do it all the time." Ackward.

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In other exciting news, Shooter's Station will have a special guest speaker tomorrow. Treat him well, and you never know what you might get. No, really, you never know. Tomorrow, the Genuine Original will be guest blogging right here in my humble abode. Please keep him in check.

Who Am I?

You Decide.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 83% Stability 46% Orderliness 50% Empathy 56% Interdependence 43% Intellectual 56% Mystical 43% Artistic 70% Religious 76% Hedonism 43% Materialism 43% Narcissism 43% Adventurousness 43% Work ethic 23% Self absorbed 50% Conflict seeking 36% Need to dominate 56% Romantic 83% Avoidant 16% Anti-authority 30% Wealth 16% Dependency 70% Change averse 56% Cautiousness 70% Individuality 70% Sexuality 50% Peter pan complex 50% Physical security 76% Food indulgent 76% Histrionic 70% Paranoia 43% Vanity 63% Hypersensitivity 70% Female cliche 70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Makin' It

So hubby and I are trying to have a baby. We stopped preventative measures at the beginning of February and that's about all we have really done in trying to have a baby. Other than makin' it so to speak. Now I didn't go telling a lot of people that we were trying because, well, it's kind of personal, it kind of puts the pressure on and one other thing. It seems so strange that we talk to little publicly about having sex until you decide to have children. As soon as two people get married, people start asking, "So when are you going have a baby?", and the only response I can come up with is, "Soon." They come back with, "soon, huh?" which seems to warrant another answer, "We're working on it." It's like saying, "Yeah, we're having sex on a regular basis. Would you like to hear more about my sex life?"

Why, when you decide to have kids, does everyone decide, let's talk about our sex lives. Shall I announce to the world, "We were having sex before, but now we do it with purpose." "Would you like to know how many times a week we do it?" or "We tried to have a baby last night. When did you last try to have a baby?" Seriously now.

She's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!

My baby sister is back online after 2.5 months. She is the mother of these two beautiful creatures. Please go welcome her back to the Blog World!!!

Welcome back Teesers!

My Nephews. Don't they look like trouble?

Photo Meme Live

I did it. I know you guys doubted it, but here it is.

Lizzie asked for:
1. The view from my kitchen window. (I took a better one, but the camera ate it)

2. My favorite tree (huh?) This one just happens to be across the street.

3. my special place


Brando asked for:
1. the inside of my medicine cabinet

2. inside of the fridge

I forgot to turn the kitchen light on. Sue me.
3. inside of closet


Amber asked for:
1. my morning hair (evil woman! Your turn!)

Excuse the jammies please.
2. my blogging perch (if I showed you , I'd have to... since I do most of my blogging when I shouldn't.)
3. my tooth brush (???)


Amy asked for:
1. inside of my trunk

2. the prettiest thing in my house (since my house is fairly new to me, I picked the whole thing)

3. the ugliest thing in my house (my current "entertainment center")


There you have it. My life in pictures.

And as a bonus pic, the baby birdies have hatched.

Hubby just called and said one of them already fell out of the nest. Not a good sign.

Mommy/Daddy Blogger Wannabe

I've noticed as I look along my blogroll that the majority of the blogs I read are all Mommy/Daddy Bloggers. I don't have children as of yet, but I love reading about children. I love reading about parenthood. I love reading when someone announces they are pregnant or when the kids do or say something hilarious. I read in terms of how I may apply their experiences when I have children. So, I guess that makes me a Wannabe. Hopefully, I won't be a wannabe for long.

Wouldn't You Like to Know

I remembered what my pithy, brilliant post was going to be. That's the good news. The bad news, the post is not so much pithy as intriguing maybe.

I have a couple of bloggers that I check on fairly regularly. Their lives have become an integral part of mine. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about them and worrying about them or celebrating something they are celebrating. These bloggers change over time, morph to some extent as my time committed to blogging ebbs and flows. Currently there is one in particular blogger that I think of often. I admire her, not only for her strength, of which she has boat loads, but for her personality, for her writing, for her openess and her sharing and all that she seems to be online. I would love to meet her. If all of her that comes out online is even 10% of who she really is, she has got to be someone I would like to know.

When I first reading Dooce, she was number one on my list of bloggers to meet. And although I would still love to meet her and him and her, others have moved up on my list.

Some other bloggers that I would absolutely love to meet.

Ms. JuJu Bee - we have become fast friends and I want to see what she is really like. But hence, I must wait until Baby JuJu comes at least.

Him and Her - They remind me so much of my hubby and I. The silliest of all.

There are so many more, but I have got to get back to work.

Who is on you list of bloggers you would love to meet.

Baby Dreams

So, in the last two weeks, two of my friends have had dreams about me being pregnant. Can poritive thoughts on someone else's part have an affect on my reproductive system. If they can, that would be great, cuz I'm ready for that journey (now when I actually am pregnant, forget I ever said that, all bets are off).

I had a really good blog post in my head on the way to work this morning, but it has since flown the coop (sp?). So, pretend I wrote something funny and pithy and worth commenting on. Go ahead pretend to comment on my pretend pithy post.

Photo Meme

Long ago, in a far away blog land, the photo meme was born. I struggled to do my own photo meme, but not having a digital camera at the time, well, it made life difficult. These days, I'm a little more in tune with the rest of the world and have managed to get me a digital camera. So with that, I ask you to tell me what you would like to see on my photo meme. Ask and ye shall receive. Dont' make things too easy.

So what three things would you like to see pictures of?

Cheater

I'm a cheater. It's hard to admit and it is really tearing me apart.

I'm cheating on my colorist.

I don't want to. I don't know how it happened, but it just happened. I've always been happy with her work. I really like sitting in her chair as she colors my hair and we talk girl talk about her rodeo boyfriend and when he will propose. But, something is coming between us. That something? Money. Problem #1? I don't have any money. Problem #2? Hair is beginning to look like dirty dish water.

But there is a silver lining on this dark cloud. I have a gift certificate. Problem #3? It's for a different salon. I can't bring myself to make the appointment. They are a very nice salon and I have been there before, but they aren't My Salon. And I like My Salon. And I really would rather use the rest of the gift certificate on a massage. But, problem #2 is beginning to bother me a lot. What to do? What to do?

Sorry, I know, I don't post for, like, ever and then you get this.

Shock and Awe

Am I the only one whose mouth drops open every single time I see a gas sign? I cannot believe how high gas is going and the numbers the "experts" keep throwing out about where the numbers will stop. Because I tend to believe very little of what the government says, due to the fact that I believe they give us a tenth of the real truth, I wonder if there is anything us wee little people can do about the rising cost of gas. I'm not expert, duh, but I would think that if there was some way to "hurt" the industry, that the people with the money and the power, could get the government to do something about the problem.

I've seen the email where it says not to buy gas on a certain day. Great in theory, but ain't gonna happen. Car pooling? We love our cars. I'm guilty as anyone. I live across the street from someone I work with and we rarely car pool. What if I need my car during the day? What if she has an emergency? How would I get home. Selfish reasons, all of them. I would be fine without my car during the day. I occasionally run errands, but usually I'm too lazy to leave property. At least a couple of days a week, it would be feasible for me to carpool. What would it take to force us to change our habits, to carpool, to not buy gas on a certain day?

Tidbits

Absurdity
Driving into work this morning, I was stopped at a light behind a very new Nissan Xterra. This by itself is not notable. But this fairly new car had 10 bumper stickers, although none were actually afixed to the bumper. 10 bumper stickers. All for LSU, except one. 10 guesses at what the other one was. As we turned the corner I noticed that the front windshield also had at least two more stickers. I get it, you're an LSU fan, welcome to Texas. Glad you feel at home enough to plaster your opinion all of your car. Absurdity.

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Baby Birdies
I have a wire basket with fake flowers outside my back door. For about a week I have noticed that every time I open the back door, a little bird flys out of the basket. On Friday evening while we were grilling, hubby took the basket down and sure enough there was a nest. Two little eggs were in the nest. On Saturday I decide to take another picture. Three little eggs were in the nest. And on Sunday, Four little eggs. There have been no new eggs since Sunday.

We have kind of adopted a cat from our neighbors across the street. He is orange and has beautiful stripes. We have named him Tigger. He trots across the street whenever he sees one of our cars come into the drive way. Hubby feeds him. He's a smart little cat. He is fed well, but apparently his feline instincts are telling him to get that bird and her babies. The other night hubby was sitting outside playing with Tigger while I cooked dinner (yes, I cook on occasion). We have an empty plant pot that is pretty large that was sitting under the basket with the nest in it. Once Tigger figured out that there was a bird in the basket, he hid in the pot waiting for her to come back. Sneaky little sucker. She flew back to her nest and Tigger went flying out of the pot. He missed, but I swear if he eats those babies, I'm gonna be so upset. I know it is in their nature, but I am hoping that they will survive. I would hate to walk out my front door for work and find that one of those babies met it's death while trying to learn how to fly.

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Lazy

I have lost my motivation once again for working out. I was doing okay, working out at least two times a week. I drove home last night with plans to work out, but as soon as I got home, laziness settled and I sat on the couch watching bad TV all night. I will missing LOST tonight so will be looking for a recap tomorrow. She's way more important than LOST, but man I hate missing my show. And Alias too. I just got into Alias recently so I can miss that one.

An Orbituary

Common Sense Died 24/7/365 in America

Today, we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common Sense

who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since

his birth records were lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to

come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn)

and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge.)

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations

were set in place. Reports of a six-year old boy charged with sexual harassment for

kissing a classmate; teens suspended for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher

fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; however, they could not inform parents when a student became

pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion;

his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by two step-brothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still know him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.

Another Meme because I lack creativity

This was tagged from Amber.

Accent: Slight Texas accent, more if I'm drinking
Bra size: A man must have started this meme (I agree with Amber) None Ya.
Chore I hate: sweeping and mopping the floors
Dad’s name: Robert
Essential makeup: cover up
Favourite perfume: I don't really wear purfume. I wear body spray, Vanilla usually.
Gold or silver: Silver
Hometown: I consider Austin my home, but I don't live there.
Interesting Fact: ??
Job Title: Marketing Coordinator
Living arrangements: Living with hubby in a 3 bedroom house.
Mom’s birthplace: Houston, TX
Number of apples eaten last week: 0
Overnight hospital stays: none
Phobias: heights, snakes
Question you ask yourself a lot: What was I doing?
Religious affiliation: With God… yes. ditto
Siblings: 1 brother, 1 sister
Time I wake up: Around 6:45 except Mondays when I get up at 5:45
Unnatural hair color: Blondish with highlights
Natural hair color: Dark brown
Vegetable I refuse to eat: brussel sprouts
Worst habit: laziness
X-rays: teeth, back, both writsts, both knees, both ankles
Yummy food I make: Stuffed chicken
Zodiac sign: Not sure, I think Lion.

Can you believe it?

4 posts in one day. Well, I have a lot to make up for.

So, let's have a little blog fun.

First part: first person to comment on this post, go to 3 people on my blog list that you have never read before and visit them and say, "Hi! I'm sharing Jazzy's blog love today." The next person to comment, go to the blog of the person who commented above you and visit 3 people on their blogroll that you have never read before and say, "Hi! I'm sharing Jazzy's blog love today." And so on and so forth. Get it?

The second part is for you to tell me in your comment one person on your blogroll (or more if you would like) that is not on my blogroll that you think I should check out. I promise to go check out each blog you refer to me and tell them that you sent me to visit them with some blog love.

Now go spread the blog love!

Don't Drink and Drive, Duh!

You know how I'm taking that online Defensive Driving Course? Well, I'm sitting there watching one of the many informational videos regarding Drinking and Driving (Don't Do IT!), and they are talking about how we socialize and drink, blah, blah, blah. Keep in mind, most of these videos were shot in like the mid 70's. Real up to date their folks.

Anyways... Socialize, drink, blah, blah, blah. Double take. They show this dad with a toddler giving her beer! Giving her beer people! What is up with that? Gotta start em young I guess.

Great message Texas. Don't Drink and Drive. Just give your baby beer for fun.

To A Woman

I was having a particularly "fat" morning and being very negative about myself. Then I thought about this poem I wrote and had to do my, "You are beautiful" mantra. It didn't work real well, but it reminded me to at least try and be positive So here is the poem. Remind yourself every day, that you are beautiful.

To A Woman

You are beautiful.
Today. Right Now. Just as you are.
In whatever you are wearing.
Make up, no make up.
You are beautiful.

You are not what you weigh.
Pounds and inches are not what make up your existence.
Thoughts and feelings, your beliefs, your fears, your loves,
Your friendships, that is what make you you.
You are not what you weigh.

You are human.
You feel, you love yourself, you love others.
You hurt yourself, you hurt others.
You make mistakes, you do great things.
You are human.

You are a woman.
You are a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend.
You empathize and sympathize.
You love and you lose and grow, live, and learn.
You are a woman.

TV is Evil

I took this last night with only candlelight. Doesn't the TV shadow look Evil?