Tuesday, April 05, 2005

An Orbituary

Common Sense Died 24/7/365 in America

Today, we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common Sense
who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since
his birth records were lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to
come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn)
and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge.)

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations
were set in place. Reports of a six-year old boy charged with sexual harassment for
kissing a classmate; teens suspended for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher
fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; however, they could not inform parents when a student became
pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion;
his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by two step-brothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still know him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.

6 comments:

Veda said...

Hey, Jazzy, this is great. And so full of reality...scary place these days, it's so 'safe.' BTW, Christine sent me. Oh, and as a smoker, I'd like to kick in the whole sewing of tobacco companies by anyone who was smoking after all the warnings came out about how detrimental it is to do such a thing. Goes along with the hot coffee these days, yano?

Veda said...

"sewing" - mindfry!
"suing"
Please substitute. :)

Sleeping Mommy said...

nice. and so true. Christine sent me today. I love your template. I love Where the wild things are.

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Hi there, amazing post and oh so true.

The Zero Boss said...

Nice. Though I question the implication that individual rights are opposed to common sense. Rights and responsibility go hand-in-hand; in order to have rights yourself, you must respect those of others. It's respect for other people's rights that's going down the crapper when someone gets sued for serving hot coffee, or for bringing Midol into the classroom.

Tisha from Texas said...

I will try to push past the grief so I can carry on his legacy. My children will come out of the rain, they will think to zip up their pants, and they shall recognize how not to step in gum.

Oh, dear Common sense, how we will miss you. May you live in our hearts forever.