Friday, October 08, 2004

Birthday Wishes to my two Dear Friends

I am going out tonight to celebrate the 30th birthday of two of my dearest friends. I realized that them turning 30 means that I have known them both for about 15 years. Half of my life. My relationship with both of these women is unique in that my friendship with both of them ended for a while and I greatly regret that I missed those years with these women in my life. This is my tribute to them. Thank you for being my friend. Bear with me in the details as I have blocked out most of high school.

Bekah was the first true friend I think I ever had. I cannot pinpoint the exact time we met, but high school would have been that much harder without her. She was the first friend that came anywhere close to my unrealistic goals of what a friend should be. She loved me unconditionally and taught me many things. Compassion and family values that I somehow managed to avoid learning from my own family. I remember fondly riding around in her CRX with all of her siblings in the car. She was always a rock for me. A foundation that I needed in order to survive the high school years. I looked to her for advice and a shoulder when I needed it.

I continued to look to her in my college years. Even though we were in different cities, she was the only person from high school I kept in touch with and I valued that friendship and that one connection to my youth. She bailed me out of many a situation and no matter what, I always knew that she loved me and was not judging me. In 1999 we had a falling out. Looking back I could not even begin to tell you what happened, but things got said and feelings got hurt and our friendship abruptly ended. I was greatly saddened by this, but unfortunately I was at a place in my life where I was lost and looking beyond what I had and treasuring things that were not necessarily worth treasuring. There were many times over the years when our friendship was on hiatus that I longed to call her about a problem or just to hear her voice. I ached that I was not a part of her life and that I was missing things she was experiencing. But pride got in the way and I never called. I looked her up a couple times, but never called.

When notifications started going out about our 10 year reunion, I started going through the list and pulling out emails of people I had lost. I don’t recall whether she contacted me first or if I contacted her, but we started talking via email. I found out that I missed the birth of her first child and that she was pregnant with her second. We caught up on things we’d missed. We agreed to get together and I made the trip across town to her house. I was nervous, but excited. The moment I saw her, all was fine. It was like we never separated. With the exception of missing pieces of each other’s lives, we fell right back into our friendship. I knew immediately that I had to have her as part of my wedding. I was lucky enough to have been a part of hers and I could not imagine my wedding without her. I had already picked bridesmaids and such, so Bekah agreed to be a wedding planner. I don’t know what I would have done without her. She single handedly made sure I had a good time at my wedding. My wedding was wonderful but at one point I was on the verge of tears. She fixed it and in that moment I was overwhelmed with gratitude and love. She always can save me from myself.

I admire her greatly as a person, a wife, a mother and a friend. She is one of the most down to earth honest people I know and I will never let our friendship dwindle again. I love you Bekah. Happy Birthday. I’ll be there in 50 years when we turn 80.

Emily:
I can’t pinpoint when I met Emily either, but I know that our friendship grew the most probably in our junior year in high school. We did many things together and despite me being a pain in the butt about partying and drinking (I didn’t) she stayed my friend. I think our friendship grew the most at a time when another friend of mine (mentioned above) had a serious boyfriend who limited the time we spent together. Emily and Tiff and I were like the three musketeers. I remember trips to Fitzgerald’s to watch the guys the play and parties and powder puff. One of my favorite memories is when I did Easter with Emily and her family. Somewhere there is a picture of Em and me in our pajamas and curlers looking at our Easter baskets. We threw one awesome Super Bowl party and had all the cutest guys in school there. What a blast that was.

I remember looking at Emily and just wanting to be more like her. She will scoff when she reads that line and try to deny it, but it is true. I cannot put into words what one sees in Emily when you meet her, but it is a calmness (okay maybe not so much anymore being the mother of 3 kids), but back in high school, she always seemed to have it together. I remember times when she was upset and cried, but the times she shared these moments were few and far between. She was solid. I know from talking to her now that she never felt solid, but she always brought me peace. She always seemed to know exactly what she was doing. She was strong and willing and able. She did things for me others wouldn’t. She even took over my break up note to my high school sweetheart. Little did we know this would be the undoing of our friendship. To keep a long story short, her and my high school sweetheart ended up together. When I found out I was hurt, but I promised myself and her that no man would come between any friendship of mine. No way, no how. We tried to maintain the friendship as her and Ryan fell in love. More than my pride or really wanting Ryan back, I was more jealous of the fact that they were happy together. We all tried to remain friends, but it just didn’t work. When I found out he had proposed to her my heart broke, but it broke for what I thought I had lost rather than what was ever truly there. They got married the summer after we graduated and have been together ever since. Emily and I tried to write a couple times in college and finally just let the friendship die the slow death that it was going to. It took me two years to get over the whole situation, but the part I mourned the most was Ryan not Emily. It should have been the other way around. (Sorry, Ry) We saw each other once I think around 1999, but we did not maintain contact.

Again, Emily and I got back in touch because of our high school reunion. She didn’t come to the main event and I was really disappointed because I really wanted to see her. We saw her and Ryan and the girls the next day at the picnic and I was so excited. We almost missed them. She too was pregnant with her third child and I again regretted that I had missed the birth of her two children. As we have slowly grown friends again, we have rediscovered why we became friends in the first place.

I look back and the words of a Garth Brook’s song say it best, “Thank God for unanswered prayers.” I admire the life that Emily has built. I admire her marriage and the struggles she endured to keep the marriage good. I admire her as a mother and don’t know how she lives her life day to day. I know now what I could not fathom in high school, each of our lives has turned out exactly as they were supposed to and I can tell you that had Ryan and I stayed together instead of her and him, I doubt very seriously we would still be together today. I admire her strength and her drive. She is an amazing person and I am thankful to have her back in my life. I love you and welcome you back with open arms.

Both of these women have shaped my life and continue to do so on a daily basis. All of my friends fill a need in me, but these two fill a special place in my heart. I look to both of you for advice and now that as I move forward with my marriage and begin to start a family that you will both be a source of strength for me. I look to you for advice and wisdom as you both are amazing at what you do everyday. Happy 30th Birthday to you both! I love you. Sniff Sniff

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